Inadequate
by SillyLoveSongs
Summary: Derek Morgan meets a mother and her twins on a case. He becomes more involved than he should because of guilt. His feelings evolve as he becomes more entrenched in their lives. However, as Derek falls in love, Hotch and Jack become competition.
1. Have to Stop Meeting Like This

**Don't own _Criminal Minds. _**

Chapter 1: Have to Stop Meeting Like This

Derek Morgan stood on the sidewalk outside of the Chicago suburban bungalow. He felt he had failed the people of this home so profoundly. Every time he came home to visit his mother or was in Chicago on a case, he now also made a point to visit this suburb, this house, that grave. As he was on the sidewalk staring at the house, the front door flew open and a 30-something woman rushed out. Her brown hair piled on her head, wearing athletic clothes, and a gym bag slung over her shoulder. She saw Derek and half-smiled at him.

"We have to stop meeting like this, Agent Morgan." She said a hint of humor and sadness in her voice.

"How are you, Ash?" He asked. She pursed her lips and gave him a strangled smile.

"I'm alright and yourself?" She asked.

"Fine, thanks. How's Sophia?"

"She's doing better. She still refuses to go to Jerry's place, but I can't blame her. She still has nightmares, horrendous nightmares. I don't even know why I put her to bed in her own room. Most of the time she ends up cuddled next to me with tear-stained cheeks. She doesn't cry constantly anymore, but life is really still hard for her. She's finally gone back to school and her teacher says she's doing well, especially considering what happened. Your calls, e-mails, and presents help her; she depends on those weekly calls. She's not as scared as long as she knows a big, bad FBI Agent is on her side, but we really need to discuss those presents, they're getting out of hand, Agent Morgan."

"I don't know why she trusts me, I let her down, and I let him down. Ashley, I didn't do my job."

"It's not your fault."

"It is, if I would've figured it out sooner, if I would've driven faster, if I would've arrived sooner. His death is all my fault."

"That's not true, those men were bad people and it's their fault they were kidnapped, and it's their fault that my son is gone. It's not your fault. I don't blame you and dwelling on those ifs will just make you crazy. Ifs will always make you crazy, because they're just that ifs and even though you think you know that it would've been better if you did something else it might not of and that's just another if to contemplate. I don't blame you, Sophia doesn't blame, and I'm sure Liam doesn't blame you. So, stop blaming yourself. Liam died protecting his sister and you made his death worth something by saving that sister. Would I be ecstatic if I could hug both my children every day? Of course, but that's not the case and it does not do to dwell in ifs. I have my daughter and I am so thankful that you returned her to me and that I can hug her every day. You need to stop blaming yourself for his death and celebrate her life. She needs you more than he does. I know he knows you regret what happened, I know you regret it, and she knows you regret it. There is nothing that can change what happened. We all need to move on with our lives to show him that his life was worth it."

"It shouldn't have happened."

"A lot of things in life shouldn't happen, but they do and they're not your fault," she reached out and squeezed his arm. "I know he reminded you a lot of yourself and Sophia reminded you of your sisters and you wanted to save them, but you know as well as I do that you would've done for your sisters what he did for his."

"I'm so sorry." He whispered.

"I know and it's alright." When tears welled in his eyes, she whispered his name softly and pulled him to her. She squeezed him tightly and he dropped his head to her shoulder which was somewhat difficult considering their height difference. She hated that he blamed himself and she hated that she blamed herself, because it was the evil men who had kidnapped, molested, raped, tortured, and murdered her little boy. He had only been five when they had taken him and Sophia after nearly killing their father.

**18 Months Before**

Ashley screeched in frustration, it was just like Jerry to be late like this. His first official weekend with their children and he was late dropping them off. He knew she was taking them to her parents' house to watch the Bears and Packers game. He was thirty-seven minutes late; he was the most frustrating human being she had to deal with on a regular basis. The doorbell rang, she threw open the door, and started ranting before she looked up to see who had rang the bell. When she saw the uniformed officer on her doorstep her mouth dropped open.

"Miss Barton?"

"Yes?"

"Do you know a Jeremiah Smith?"

"Yes, o my god, where are the children?"

"The children, miss?"

"Yes, our children were with Jerry. He was driving them back to the house after his weekend. They were supposed to be here over a half an hour ago."

"There were no children with Mr. Smith when we found him today."

"What do you mean?"

"Mr. Smith was found stabbed in his apartment; I came to your place because we thought you might have talked to him last."

"The children weren't there." She cried hysterically.

"Ma'am calm down, there might be a simple explanation." She gave the young officer a glaring look.

"Yes, perfectly simple, the father of my children has been stab and there's a perfectly simple explanation as to why they're not with him. Even though, they were his responsibility."

The young officer pulled on his radio and reported, "Possible 805, possible 805 in connection with the Smith stabbing." He then pulled out a cell phone to contact his superior officer. He was not prepared for this, he had expected Ashley Barton to be a complete dead-end. He thought his superiors had sent him on a fishing expedition in the desert, but it turned out he might have actually revealed an extremely worse situation.

"Guilt's a terrible thing."- Ben Jonson


	2. Let Her Have This

**Don't own **_**Criminal Minds**_

**Thanks for the reviews!**

Chapter 2: Let Her Have This

"How long do you have, Derek? Sophia should be home in an hour and a half and she'd love to see you."

"I have enough time to see her."

"Great, want to come in and have a drink while we wait for her?"

"It looks like you were going to the gym."

"I was, but I'll reconsider for an FBI agent."

"I feel so honored."

"You should," She said as she nudged him with her elbow.

Derek was shocked by her vitality; he didn't know if he lost a child if he would be able to keep it together and joke with the person who was partially to blame for the child's death. He laughed to himself; there he went with the "ifs" again. He knew she was right about not blaming himself, but the case had been so harrowing. She was also right about it being worse because he related so profoundly to Liam. Hell, Liam could've been him. A young boy who loved sports, had a sister to look after, was mixed-race, had a white mother, and was as gangly as can be. It was always said that there would be certain cases that would stick with an agent for a long time; Derek just never imagined one would stick with him this long or in this way. He was drawn to them like a crowd to an accident; it wrenched his heart, but he had to see them.

When he followed her into the house he expected it to be different, but it wasn't. She hadn't rearranged the rooms and she hadn't removed the pictures of Liam. He didn't know exactly what he had expected to see, but he thought this would remind her too much of her lost son. She offered him a drink and he accepted a coffee. The weather was quite nippy for May, but that was typical in Chicago. He heard the beans grind and Ashley getting water to begin the coffee. He glanced at the photos; he had seen them all before. One of the three: Ashley and Liam in Bears jerseys, Sophia in a Bears cheerleading uniform, another of mom, dad, son, and daughter at a fifth birthday the seemingly perfectness shining through, and one of the twins holding hands on their first day of kindergarten. There were so many and she hadn't put them away. She'd put up new ones of just her and Sophia, but their smiles were visibly different and Ashley's grip on her daughter was tighter.

He didn't know if he should sit down or stand. The living room was oddly masculine; there was a large leather sofa, two big recliners, and a humongous flat screen TV. The feminine touches were much smaller; there were nice curtains, pillows, and a ton of blankets. If he was profiling this room, he would've said it belonged to a man who liked to entertain with a steady, long-term girlfriend. The pictures gave the room away, but otherwise the room was extremely masculine. When the team had mentioned this to her, she had responded that she liked comfort and easiness to clean most of all.

Ashley brought in the cups of coffee and they drank and caught up. She didn't bring up her children. He knew this was part of her protective mechanism; she wanted to talk about unemotional things. She asked him about work, his properties, and if he had met anyone. He returned the questions; he enjoyed her company. He was trying to read her and he couldn't. Ashley wasn't easy to profile that was something else that intrigued Derek. She was full of idiosyncrasies and surprises. He never imagined he would meet such a titillating woman.

Derek was drawn from his musings when he heard the front door knob jiggle. The bell rang and Ashley went sprinting for the door, encouraging him to stay in the living room. He was surprised by her speed until he heard the slight male rumbling… Jerry was here.

"Sophia, I have a surprise for you in the living room, why don't you go see what it is?"

Derek watched as Sophia skipped into the living room ready for her surprise. When she saw Derek she squealed with joy and threw herself at him bellowing his name. She felt slightly chilled; she must have been at the park with her father. Derek noticed that Ashley had pushed Jerry out the door and had gently closed the door behind her. Derek knew that Jerry hated the relationship Derek had with Sophia and Ashley. Jerry blamed Derek; Derek blamed Jerry. Derek cuddled the girl to his chest as she rambled about the things that she had not told him about and some of things she had. Her voice rang sweetly, but her mother's pleading voice and her father's angry one also reverberated in his ear.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Jerry hissed at Ashley.

"He's a family friend who is visiting." Ashley stated.

"That son-of," Ashley gave Jerry a piercing look, "That FBI agent looks down on me. He thinks it's my fault Willie ended up dead. It ain't my fault, Ashley, and he ain't no hero either he didn't save Willie." He said FBI agent like he would've said scum-sucking bottom feeder.

"But he did save Sophia." Ashley reasoned. "I owe him so much for saving her and he's good company. Fi loves him and I'm not taking him away from her no matter how much you whine about it."

"You're sleeping with him."

"Jerry, that's ridiculous. I am not and it doesn't matter anyways 'cause it's none of your business. You don't own me."

"I don't want him seeing my daughter."

"You want to play that game, Jerry. You're gonna lose, I guarantee it. The judge was nice last time, but I can take her away. Don't make me take her away, but I will do what is best for our daughter," Her voice turned soft and she reached out to touch Jerry but he jerked away, "She's been through so much and he makes it better for her. I don't know what it is about him, but he helps her. There's been so much loss in her short life; let her have this. This is what being a parent is all about Jerry. Sometimes you have to put your child before yourself."

"I still hate that pompous S.O.B."

"That's okay, you don't have to come in," She subdued patting his arm. "Thanks for taking her to the park. I think you're making progress with her."

"Not as much progress as they are," he said gesturing to the window where Derek and Sophia where laughing together as he spun her in a circle.

"Bye, Jerry."

Jerry huffed off, climbed into his car, and peeled off. Ashley shook her head and closed her eyes to regain her composure. Fighting with Jerry always affected her composure severely. It made her feel like a stupid teenager again; at least now she had a better vocabulary and less raging hormones.

"Jealousy is no more than feeling alone against smiling enemies." – Elizabeth Bowen


	3. Wow, I Only Gave Birth to You

**Don't own **_**Criminal Minds**_

**Thanks for the reviews!**

Chapter 3: Wow, I Only Gave Birth to You

Derek's smug look irritated Ashley and she narrowed her eyes slightly at him. However, she managed to have an impeccable smile when Sophia turned to look at her.

"Mommy, this is the best surprise ever." Her emphasis on ever reminded her mother of a Valley girl. Sophia squeezed Derek's neck and squealed, "Derek's the awesome-est."

"Wow, I only gave birth to you." Her mother said with a huge grin across her face.

"I love you, Mommy, but you're not in the FBI," she said her voice stressing the obvious logic in her categorizations. Sophia turned to question Derek, "Are you staying for dinner?"

Derek raised his eyebrows and Ashley nodded slightly with a small smile on her lips. Derek assented to Sophia's invitation and she immediately made plans for them to play Barbies, dress-up, Pretty-Pretty Princess, and watch her favorite movies. When Derek looked at Ashley in horror, she merely patted his arm and told him that he was an FBI agent who could tough it out. Then she headed into the kitchen to make dinner. Derek's visits had previously consisted of cheering up his two female companions which had usually entailed watching movies, going for walks, reading books, or just talking. Sophia had not been in a particularly playing mood during his last visits. Even though Derek wasn't keen to play Pretty-Pretty Princess, he knew this was a good sign that Sophia was moving on; she might actually be okay after the horrors she had seen.

After a while, Ashley went to check on the two. Derek Morgan was sitting on her living room floor, a crown precariously placed on his head, a blue ring glinting on the tip of his pinkie finger, a clip-on earring dangling from his left ear, a necklace around his neck, a bracelet draped on his fingers, and a determined look on his face as he spun the little mirror spinner. Sophia and Derek watched intently as the spinner slowed, Derek counted out his number of moves on the board. When his pawn came to land on a square, he sighed as Sophia cackled. Sophia tossed Derek the dreaded black ring and merrily spun the tiny arrow. Ashley snuck to her bedroom, found her camera, and snuck back down the stairs trying to be as stealthy as possible.

"If you dare take a picture, I will not be responsible for what will unfortunately happen to your camera, Baby Doll." Derek said without lifting his eyes from the game board.

Ashley sighed resignedly and set the camera on a nearby table, "I thought Penelope would love to see Big Bad Derek Morgan playing Pretty-Pretty Princess. It is a sight to behold."

Sophia interrupted their dispute when she screeched happily and ripped the crown off of Derek's head, "I win," she shouted loudly. "Wanna play again?"

Ashley saved Derek from more humiliation by announcing that she had come to tell them that dinner was ready. The two adults ate rather silently as Sophia told them stories about her day. When dinner was over, Ashley helped Sophia get into her pajamas and they planned to watch a movie with Derek.

Ashley paced the police station. Her mind was whirling at a million miles an hour. The police had asked her if she had any enemies. Enemies? She was a high school English teacher. There was no doubt students were upset about their grades sometimes, but she didn't know if any of them were capable of knocking out a full grown man and taking two children. She didn't realize that an officer had walked up next to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. She felt like she was having a heart attack; her heart beat out of control.

"Sorry, ma'am, I just wanted to tell you that we are doing our best to find your children and the FBI will be here soon."

"The FBI?"

"Yes, we called in the BAU. My brother-in-law works for the BAU and he said if we ever had child abductions, especially violent ones, that we should contact them. I think this suffices."

"Ok, thanks, officer."

Ashley felt broken, like a toy with low batteries. She felt slow, dumb, numb, and out of control. She hated being out of control. God, her children were everything to her. She was so happy that she had told her kids how much she loved them when they had called her last night. She'd been so extremely lonely without them and she had felt an unexpected but very strong need to remind them of how much she loved them last night. She was always confused when her mind knew something she didn't. She didn't believe in clairvoyants, but after hanging up with her children after dinner yesterday she had felt a push to call them again and remind them of how very much their mother loved them before they went to bed. They had giggled at her, appeased her need to hear them tell her how much they loved her, and then they had listened patiently as she told them everything she loved about them. Jerry had been livid that she had spent so much of his time on the phone with their children, but she had felt an instinctual need to tell them. She wished her clairvoyance worked better than it did; she wished she could've been able to stop it. She wished she would've driven over to Jerry's and taken them home forgoing the consequences. Mother's intuition should've overridden her need to follow the court's ruling.

Ashley knew when the FBI entered the building; the papers shuffled faster, the conversations whirred faster, and the employees moved faster. The FBI had set a taxing pace for the office and Ashley was glad of it. She needed her children and if that meant involving the Feds then so be it. They walked in like the Justice League and if Ashley hadn't been so worried she probably would've giggled. This was absurd; she never imagined that she would need help like this.

I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason. ~Stanley Baldwin


	4. They Needed a New Start

**Don't own _Criminal Minds._**

Chapter 4: They Needed a New Start

The movie ended with a flurry of credits and silliness. Ashley glanced over at the other end of the couch where Derek was passed out reclined. Sophia's head was resting on a pillow on Derek's stomach with his hand resting on her back. The scene moved Ashley; it reminded her of the perfect American family but it wasn't and she couldn't relish in the picture. She flipped the TV back and channel surfed; Sophia wasn't the only one who had trouble sleeping. Ashley turned on an episode of _How I Met Your Mother_ and tuned the world out, until Sophia started moaning in her sleep. The little girl's cries of terror revived Derek who jumped out of sleep. He glanced at Ashley who was already making her way over to her daughter. Sophia woke with a jerk and threw herself into the closest set of arms, Derek's. Sophia wrapped her arms, vice-like, around his neck. Ashley offered to take the wailing child, but Derek shook her off. He consoled Sophia by rubbing small circles on her back while murmuring how incredibly sorry he was and how hard he would try to never let it happen again.

When her wails turned to hiccups, Derek carried Sophia to her room. He thought about how physically and emotionally exhausting that must be for both mother and daughter. He leaned against the closed door and tried not to ball like Sophia had. This case destroyed him. He took deep breaths and opened his eyes to see Ashley leaning against the wall, pity and sadness in her eyes.

"I'm sorry that had to happen while …" She began but he shushed her.

"No, I'm sorry that has to happen at all."

"Me too." She said and he pulled her toward him. He cradled her head with his hand and used the other arm to wrap around her tightly. She clung to the front of his shirt. "I promise it's not always this bad. I promise you, she's getting better. Absolutely, positively do not beat yourself up because of this. You saved her." After a sob she queried. "God, does it ever get easier?"

"I think so; I think it will get easier. I hope it will get easier. Are you guys seeing someone?"

"Yeah, we go separately and together to the same psychiatrist, but it's hard to explain and not many people understand. Empathy is different than understanding, y'know? I know people feel bad when they hear the story, but they don't understand. It's hard to describe the suffocating, heart-wrenching, gut-twisting, agonizing pain that sometimes sweeps over me. It's never at the same time either, sometimes I see a little boy with a smattering of freckles or I see Liam's favorite food or any other little thing and all of a sudden I'm immovable and aching. And sometimes I feel bad when I feel happy, because he can't be there and he's not there. Sophia and I went to Navy Pier and we had such a wonderful time but then that wave hit me and I wanted to cry because only one of my arms was being wrenched out of its socket. I want to be happy, but I don't because it's wrong to be happy when he's dead."

"No, it's not. You have a right to be happy, you know that. He died so you and Sophia could be happy. Remember that. I want you to be happy, too. You deserve to. If anyone deserves it, it's you."

"Do you want to stay? You can sleep in the bed, I'll sleep with Sophia. I'll probably end up there anyway tonight."

"No, I'm gonna head back to my momma's." He said kissing the top of her head. She closed her eyes and squeezed him tighter before finally letting go so that he could slide his shoes on and gather his jacket, wallet, and keys. They clung to each other for a few moments again before he walked out and she waved to him from the doorframe.

"Don't be a stranger," She called as he meandered to his rental car. She blew him a kiss and he pretend-caught it and staggered across the driveway. She giggled and closed and locked the door.

He was right they deserved to be happy, but she couldn't imagine them being happy in a place that constantly reminded them of the little boy that was gone. She resolutely opened her computer and pulled up a job search. They needed a new start.

"We must try not to sink beneath our anguish, Harry, but battle on." –Albus Dumbledore (J.K. Rowling)


	5. Real Mature

**Don't own **_**Criminal Minds**_

Chapter 5: Real Mature

Derek was finishing a consultation when he heard an out-of-place but familiar giggle. Soon his door busted open and Sophia sprinted around his desk to jump in his lap. Ashley followed slightly breathless, but smiling broadly.

"What are you doing here, princess?" He said hugging Sophia tightly.

"We're visiting Uncle Josh and Mom had an interview." She replied succinctly.

"An interview?" He queried. Ashley shrugged, but her daughter replied to Derek.

"Mommy had an innerview at the 'Partment of Ed." She was getting impatient, but her mispronunciation was endearing and he tickled her before cocking his head in obvious question.

"Yeah, working with the Office of Safe and Drug-Free Schools."

"When will you find out?"

"Within the next week, the job starts in September and I would have to quit my job within the next few weeks, sell the house, pack up all our stuff, and move to a house here. It kinda scares the living crap outta me."

"Mommy said crap." Sophia told Derek in a child's whisper.

"We'll forgive her this once," Derek said kissing Sophia's curls. He opened his "Fun Zone" drawer and let Sophia pull some stuff out. He wanted to talk to Ashley in semi-privacy about this new development. "Jerry is alright with this?"

"He has to be." Derek crinkled his brow and Ashley elaborated, "He's back on drugs. I wasn't going to put her through that. When they were infants, I knew they wouldn't remember not seeing their dad, but now after everything I can't make her do that. She'll wonder why Jerry has stopped coming around and why he looks funny when he does try and I… It's a horrible thing to go through with somebody you care about and a six year old doesn't need to deal with that. Really, I don't want to deal with it again. I went to the judge; he said that we could move because Jerry's behavior affected Fi's wellbeing. Everybody deals with pain differently and Jerry's way is to do drugs."

"That son-of-a-bitch."

"Actually, Millie is a really nice lady." She responded dryly; her lips quirked to one side. "Derek, you… it's not fair to compare Jerry to you. He's failed so many times… he has addiction problems…. I don't want to make excuses for him, but he's a good person and he loves us. No matter how messed up he is, he still loves us. There are many men who would be a lot worse."

"But there are a lot more that would be much better."

"Please, don't. He gave me two beautiful children who I love…loved…love dearly. Even with all this hurt and pain, I still don't regret having his kids."

"I know that."

"Derek, if you want to be around Sophia, you have to let go of your hatred for Jerry. I know he does a lot of things to piss people off. He's an idiot, an addict, and an asshole sometimes, but he's still her dad. We care about him. And I don't want hostility around. You're a better person than that, you're a better person than him, so just let it go."

"Mommy and Derek, can we go to lunch? I am so hungry!" Sophia stated as she tugged on Derek's pant leg.

"That's why we came. We wanted to see if you wanted to go to lunch with us." Ashley said.

Derek swooped up Sophia into his arm and then he slid the other arm around Ashley's waist. "I would love to go to lunch with two beautiful girls."

A few weeks later, Derek was hauling a large leather couch into a DC-suburban townhouse. Ashley's brother, Josh, on the other end; Josh yelled that his sister totally owed him a few thousand beers for this move. Derek knew Ashley had acknowledged the comment because there was a drawn-out snort, and then the sound of two beers hissing as they popped open.

"O, my muscle men, will you accept this gift of my undying thanks," Ashley said as she genuflected. Josh swatted at her; the slap barely grazing her arm, but he and Derek accepted the beers nonetheless. They finished moving in all the furniture and Ashley ordered pizza.

"One thing I am going to miss about Chicago is the pizza." Ashley bemoaned as she bit into the average pizza-slice.

"Trust me lil' sis, it's the best pizza in the world. I've been stationed in many places and nothing compares to Chicago deep-dish." He bit into his slice and made a face, "Thanks a lot, sis, now you've got me craving some Lou's."

"Are you saying that Lou Malnati's is better than Giordano's?" Derek inquired flabbergasted.

"Giordano's, eww, disgustin'." Sophia interjected, obviously brainwashed at the tender age of six, and Josh hi-fived his niece.

"Yeah, Derek, are you sure you're even a Chicagoan." Ashley ribbed. Derek stuck his tongue out at the three snickering Lou's lovers.

"Real mature," Ashley and her sister-in-law, Kathy, said simultaneously which sent the table into more titters.

**Before**

"Agents, this is Ashley Barton, the children's mother." The lead detective introduced and Ashley willed her lips to go up in the corners but her mouth just twitched.

"Hello, Agents."

"Miss Barton," They returned with equally grim faces. The team then split up and began talking quickly amongst themselves and Ashley returned to her broken toy state. However, she wasn't allowed to remain in that state for long before the blonde agent tapped her on the shoulder with a sympathetic look.

"Miss Barton, I am Agent Jareau. I was wondering what you can tell me about your ex?" Ashley's forehead creased in confusion.

"Oh," Realization dawning, "You mean Jerry, we were never truly together, but that's beside the point. Jerry is a genuine fuck-up, but he's a nice person and he loves his kids dearly. I would even venture to say that he loves me, too, but our relationship is merely platonic. The twins were the result of a drunken wedding night when we were both feeling vulnerable. Jerry has been an addict since… well since forever. He did all kinds of things, X, weed, 'shrooms, coke really anything he can get his hands on and he loved to drink," She pauses to rub her hand over her face. "He… he's been clean for two years now, I would never have let him see our kids in his drugged-out state. I fought tooth and nail to keep my kids safe, but Jerry understood that. That's why he worked to get clean; he's a good person with a horribly addictive personality. He also tends to piss off the wrong people. He has a sense of humor that can make some people laugh and others to want to slit his throat." She paused again shaking her head. "He pays his child support and he never contested the things I said in court. He just worked to make himself a good father, it took him years but he did it. Even when I wouldn't let him see them, he still paid his child support. He's not a bad guy, he's just a fuck-up. Now he's made the biggest fuck-up of his life."

"He's a victim here, too."

"Agent, as much as I care about Jerry, I'm sure you'll find that Jerry isn't as nearly innocent as you think."

"Just 'cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town."-George Carlin


	6. Replacement Son

Chapter 6: Replacement Son

"I'm not going to be able to make it to Fi's recital," Derek said as greeting to Ashley, "We have a case."

"Okay," Ashley responded trying to not allow her disappointment to echo too loudly, but failing miserably with a soft sigh.

"You're recording it, right?"

"Yeah."

"I'll watch it with her when I get back."

"Okay."

There was a long pause where Ashley waited her fingernails clicking lightly on the counter while Derek attempted to control his anger and guilt, "Woman, will you please give me more than one word answers?"

"What would you like me to say, Derek," She replied her voice soft but her exasperation obvious. Her head told her it wasn't his job to be there for them, for Sophia, but she adored her daughter's toothy grin when he swept in. Was she jealous of fancy-pants Agent Morgan? Hell, yeah, but he was more than she could've asked for after the tragedy they'd faced.

"Ash, come on, baby doll."

"I'm not going to tell you that she won't mind Derek. Because she will." She pinched the bridge of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut hoping for serenity, "Can you call her before we leave?"

"Ash, I'm not sure if…"

"I should've known better than to ask," As the words fell from her lips, she examined herself. When the hell had she turned into a shrew? The words had been spiteful and something she would've thrown at Jerry, but Derek wasn't Jerry. Why could she tell him that, but not realize it herself.

"Slow your roll. I'll try to give Fi a call before you leave, but there are children missing." He knew it was a low blow to remind her that she had once been an important case that pulled him away. He just hated when she made him feel so guilty for doing his job. Hell, they weren't even married. These two had such a hold on him. If he was honest with himself, he might say that he felt more for Ashley than he would admit to anyone even Garcia. She was the kind of girl that men married and that scared him. And he couldn't forget the little girl who had already captured his heart. It was easier to show Sophia the fatherly affection, but showing her mother what was deep within him would be more difficult than he might be willing to face.

"I know your job is important, Derek." She whispered, tears welling in her eyes. "I know how important it can be to a family. It's just hard to explain to a seven year old. You're her savior; she doesn't realize you're many people's savior."

"I've got to go." He responded huskily.

"Be careful."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Ashley knew it was mean to make Derek feel guilty. His consuming job had saved her daughter's life. She just wished his job was safer and more stable, but those thoughts were completely selfish. She wanted desperately to rewrite their conversation and be more understanding; Derek owed them nothing. She was only disappointed and she knew Sophia would be ten times more disappointed. Ashley swooped up her phone and succinctly texted Derek, "Sorry." She knew he would understand.

The case was short and Derek was back by the weekend. On Saturday, he knocked on the townhouse's door to squeals about Sophia's recital and shouts about the donuts he carried in his hands.

"So, Princess, are we gonna watch this tape or what?" A bellow was the only response as Sophia bounded into the living room.

Derek offered Ashley one of the large coffees he had precariously balanced on the donut box.

"My hero," she responded as she inhaled the sweet aroma.

"Three creams, four splendas." He grimaced.

"Yummy." She responded as he griped, "Disgusting."

He wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her sleep-matted hair.

"Derek," Came a cry, the r in his name extended for effect. "It's ready."

"You are being summoned." Ashley informed him, her eyebrows wiggling, "Chop, chop."

"I must attend to the princess."

Derek watched with rapt attention as Sophia's class pirouetted across the stage. Afterward, he told her how breathtaking she and her performance had been. Ashley wished Jerry could do this for Sophia. Ashley wanted Sophia to have a father. Ashley didn't quite understand why Derek stayed for Sophia's benefit. She wasn't sure what his reward was, but she was glad he did it anyways. Ashley must have tuned out part of their conversation because now Sophia was staring at her intently while Derek looked on slight horror-striken.

"What?" She queried.

"Can Clooney stay with us, Mommy?"

"Ash, don't worry about it, I was just telling her about the kennel I take him too, because she asked where he went while I was gone."

"Of course, he can." Ashley responded kissing Sophia's head.

"Ashley, that's not necessary," Derek said.

"I was thinking of getting a dog anyways. This way, we'll just share yours." She said smiling.

"I don't want to be trouble." Ashley rolled her eyes and slapped his shoulder.

"How is school Miss Sophia?" Derek asked swinging her around the living room.

"Good. Jack said he wants to be an FBI agent, too. We chase bad guys at recess? Felicity says she wants to be a princess but that's silly because princesses don't save people. Jack and I want to save people from the bad guys like you and his daddy. Mrs. Twaddle told us we couldn't pretend play with guns, but we were only shooting bad guys. We had to miss recess and do math instead. Felicity shares her cookies with me and I give her my extra apple sauce. We dip her cookies in Jack's pudding."

Derek's brain ached trying to follow the enthusiastic story, but his mind latched on to one important detail, "Jack Hotchner?"

"You suggested the school. You said that Agent Hotchner had checked out the safety and academics." Ashley responded.

"So you're hanging out with the Hotchners?" Derek inquired his voice tinged with jealousy.

"Well more like a Hotchner and a Brooks. I've never met Aaron Hotchner: the father. Though Jessica said that she was going to set up a meeting because Jack and Sophia spend so much time together and Agent Hotchner needs a fellow parent to lean on so he knows what's going on at the school. Supposedly, even though he's a workaholic he tries to be involved in Jack's school. Plus, I need someone to hang out with at these damn parent meetings coming up. There are too many couples and bitter first wives."

"I could go with you." Derek suggested.

"That's not necessary. Plus, I don't want the other parents getting the wrong idea. You're not her father or my husband." The words bit at Derek and he tried not to interject that he could be.

"Who cares what they think?"

"I do, Derek. Plus, Agent Hotchner will have to be there anyways. There's no point in more of us suffering through the charade. I have this awful habit of pissing the other moms off or being looked down on because Sophia's father and I were never married."

"Hotch is not much fun to be around. He's kind of a drill sergeant and he's probably like the other judgers."

"I'll keep that in mind, but I'd rather make my own decisions on that."

Nearly, two weeks later, Derek was surprised to see the star of his night and daydreams step off the elevator and walk into the BAU. Her hair fell gracefully around her skull, the ends grazing her shoulder blades. She wore a patterned skirt that grazed her knees, a sweater with a v-neck that might've been a bit too low to be considered modest but not low enough to be vulgar, and her pumps accented her long, toned calves. She had a handbag slung over her shoulder.

"Baby doll, I wasn't expecting you. I have so much paperwork to do. Maybe, Reid will…" He was cut off by her confused, amused expression.

"I'm not here to see you, Mr. Ego." She teased and Prentiss laughed heartily. "Aaron and I are going out to dinner." Derek interrupted, "I see." He got up and shuffled to the break room. He left Ashley flabbergasted. "It's curriculum night at the kids' school and we wanted to get to know each other better and have a plan of attack against the rabid tiger moms." Ashley said to his empty chair. Prentiss nodded her head sagely.

"Aaron," Derek mumbled snidely as he shoved the coffee pot back in its place. The last thing he saw was Ashley and Hotch waiting for the elevator. Hotch's hand resting lightly on the center of her back and her head tilted up to listen to whatever he was saying. Whatever he was saying must have been amusing because Ashley's body shook with laughter and she laid a hand on Hotch's chest. Of course, Hotch brought out his dormant humorous side for Ashley. Derek seethed, she wouldn't be with him, but it was okay for her to be with Hotch. They had the same job she detested, but Hotch could give her something immediately that Derek couldn't: a replacement son. Derek was ashamed by the thought, but what else separated him and Hotch.

"Gentlemen, start your egos." -Billy Crystal


	7. Whiskey Girl

Don't own _Criminal Minds _and never will sadly.

Chapter 7: Whiskey Girl

Derek stepped off the jet with a weary sigh. While the case had been pretty cut and dry, he hadn't slept since before they had left Quantico. A middle-aged accountant had been killing women who reminded him of his mother. The Unsub's signature had been too unique to not be caught at it. They'd only been in Biloxi for two days before they arrested him.

However, two years previously he had watched as a young mother scooped up her trembling daughter and tried not to be hysterical when he informed her that Liam was dead. Derek and Ashley hadn't spoken on the first anniversary of his death; she hadn't picked up her phone. He couldn't let it go unacknowledged this year, especially since they were so close. So, even though he was dog-tired he navigated his SUV to Ashley's place. He steeled himself; this wasn't going to be easy. He had to see her though and share his sorrow; even if it would be tough to break down whatever barrier she put up.

The lights were out and the townhouse looked desolate. He rapped heavily on the door anyways. He waited, knocked again, waited, and then heard a slight shuffling. Ashley opened the door and looked at him intently. She was wearing black yoga pants and a Blackhawks t-shirt. Her hair was piled precariously on her head and her feet were bare. There was a blush that had ridden up her face from the deep scarlet across her chest. Her gorgeous eyes were bloodshot and Derek couldn't determine if her eyes were that way because of crying or alcohol.

"I would tell you to leave but you're not going to and I'd rather not fight. It's not going to make anything better." Ashley said and walked toward her kitchen.

He followed her into the kitchen and cringed at the sight of the partially finished bottle of Maker's Mark. She offered him a shot glass and he shook his head.

"You can't stay if you ain't gonna drink." He eyed the glass skeptically.

"A whiskey girl?"

"If you start singing that damn republican's song, I'll slap you." His eyebrows knitted together and took the shot from her hand. He threw it back and it left a trail of warmth to his stomach. The warmth of the liquor reminded him that he hadn't eaten since lunch, so he grabbed a bag of pretzels from the pantry.

"What are you trying to off yourself?"

"I'm sure as hell trying."

They took a few more shots before they moved to the couch. He'd grabbed a beer and remembered the old adage, "Beer then liquor, never been sicker. Liquor then beer have no fear." He knew he'd be fine as he munched on the pretzels, but Ashley's eyes were glassy and she looked as if she was treading somewhere miles away or years away. They just sat. Ashley's toes hung over the edge of the cushion and she wiggled them as she thought. Derek's eyes wandered over the pictures in the room as he chewed methodically on the pretzels and he noticed a distinct difference. She had removed the direct reminders of her son and Jerry.

"I used to call him my Morgan Freeman baby." She whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, he had this tonal quality with his voice that resembled Freeman's. Obviously, his was higher and childlike but it sometimes frightened me when he spoke. And he had those freckles. My freckles on his daddy's skin." She smiled and a tear rolled down his cheek.

"I wish I could've met him," he responded wiping hastily at his cheeks.

"Me too," She said; a sad smile lingering on her lips.

They sat quietly for a few moments. Before she turned to him and whispered, "I'm glad you came, thank you."

"You're welcome, I…" and before he could finish his sentence she had swung herself into his lap and kissed him fiercely. She gripped his cotton shirt in both hands and demanded a response both with her lips and her grip.

BREAK

The team had immediately rushed out of the station to follow leads and speak with Jerry. They had left Agent Jareau. Ashley felt that Agent Jareau was only there to babysit her. The entire station kept looking at her like she was a ticking time bomb of doom. She walked purposefully over to Agent Jareau.

"I'm going to go see Jerry."

"The agents have got it under control, Miss Barton. You're best off here or going home and getting some rest."

A snort escaped Ashley and Ashley let out a laugh that was neither humorous nor hysterical, but more outraged. "I don't remember asking your permission, Agent, I was informing you of my location in case there was any news about my children. Now if you'll excuse me."

"The agents are at the hospital now; it wouldn't do to upset him."

Ashley livid laugh was loud this time, "I'll try not to upset his delicate sensibilities, but I'm going."

"Let me drive you."

"Agent, I brought my own car, I know where the hospital is, and I'll be fine."

"Please."

"Alright."

They drove in relative silence; the only sound was a local radio station playing quietly. JJ was exasperated, but understood that Ashley was trying to take care of her children. If something happened to Henry, she knew she'd want to do something not stand around a police station pacing and being handled like hazardous material. When they got to the hospital, they rushed inside. They walked to Jerry's room and the team was standing there. They looked frustrated. Ashley made a move to enter the room, but Hotch stopped her.

"We're still interviewing Mr. Smith," Hotch informed her.

"And I'm sure it's going swimmingly," she said crossing her arms across her chest and staring up at Hotch not blinking.

"Excuse me."

"Let me guess, you sent in him," she indicated pointing at Morgan and then she pointed at Rossi, "and him. And his reaction sucked. You thought he'd relate to the black agent, but let me tell you something he wanted to work in law enforcement and shoving a successful version of himself in his face is not gonna work. And this one over here, I'm sure he made some ridiculous mafia reference complete with an over exaggerated accent. That is what happened isn't it?"

They looked at her their shock unmitigated for a second before they returned their shields.

"You don't have to answer that, I know it's what happened. Plus, he has this inflated sense of self where he believes that he is Superman and can save everybody from the shit that happens in this world. Let me go in; I can get him to talk."

"Miss Barton, we are trained to do our job and do it well. And that's exactly what we're going to do." Hotch said with utter conviction.

"I'm sure at some point you'll get some kind of answer out of him, but I could do it much faster. I've known him for years, over a decade. You may be profilers and in any other situation I'm sure you could do it way better than me. But I know Jerry."

The team looked hesitant, except Rossi who was always willing to throw people into stressful situations. Rossi wanted answers and wanted them fast, but Hotch looked unconvinced.

"Plus, I'm his kryptonite."

"Excuse me," Hotch said.

"Remember how I said he thought he was Superman. Well tada, his kryptonite," she said spinning in a sardonic circle.

"Miss Barton," Hotch sighed.

"We don't have time for this; I'll go in with her," Rossi informed Hotch as he led her into the hospital room.

"Thank you," She whispered to Rossi.

"Ash," Jerry questioned.

"Hey, Jer. How are you feeling?" She walked over and caressed his cheek softly.

"Sore," he replied and he held her hand to his cheek.

"Jer, I'm so scared. Who could have taken our kids?"

"I don't know, I'm not sure. If they'd just let me out maybe I could figure it out."

"No Jer, I can't lose you too," she sobbed as tears started streak down her face. "Tell them who could've done this."

"Mac Benjamin." He replied softly to her pleading. She pulled away quickly from Jerry and exited the room. She rubbed angrily at the tears. The team looked at her confusedly.

"Mac Benjamin. I think he was Jerry's drug dealer or maybe he is," She started to sob cripplingly, "Fuck," she cussed as she wiped aggressively at her cheeks. "That's who you should start with."

The team dispersed quickly and Morgan flipped open his phone to start Garcia on his trail. Rossi laid a hand on Ashley's shoulder and gave a slight squeeze.

"You did good, kid." He said as went to join the team.

"You own yourself, so if you want to do something that destroys yourself, go ahead. Just don't harm others when you do." -Jim Goebel


	8. The Perfect Family

Don't own _Criminal Minds._

**Always forget to say thank you for the reviews, but thanks so much!**

Chapter 8: The Perfect Family

Derek awoke to a loud thud and a squeaked curse coming for the master bath. He was parched which was typical after a long night of drinking and his stomach felt slightly off, but he didn't have the pounding headache that usually accompanied his hangovers. Then he remembered why; when he'd been drifting in a post-coital stupor, he'd been shoved four pills and a bottle of electrolytes. He hadn't resisted much especially when she threw back four similar pills and the disgusting orange drink. When he questioned her, she'd murmured something about an alcoholic aunt and a hangover cure but missing the cereal so who knew if it would work. He remembered being slightly amused that she had had the presence of mind to grab the remedy, but he'd also wondered if it was a comment on his performance or just her motherly instincts and self-preservation. After downing the cure, she had promptly cuddled into him, little spoon fashion, and fallen asleep. While he had enjoyed the previous night immensely, he didn't know if he wanted to face her naked. He pulled on his boxers and pants and sat on the edge of the bed.

She appeared her hair dripping down the front of her sweatshirt. She looked pensive but not disgusted and/or deceived. Her lips quirked in a half smile when she saw him and she leaned against the door jam. He looked at her carefully trying to communicate the words he couldn't quite say. She cracked the knuckles on her hands and looked uncertain.

Finally, she broke the silence with a spewed whisper, "Derek, I don't think last night was such a good idea." His heart wrenched at the words and she held back the tears that might have made their way down her cheeks and given her true feelings away.

"Is this about Hotch?"

"Aaron?" Her voice wobbled with raw emotion and confusion. Yet, he couldn't quite see through his envy to recognize the feelings there.

"Yes, is this about Hotch?" He hissed again.

"No, no, I, I ," she stuttered.

"He can give you a replacement son and you can be his replacement wife. O, and he gets a bonus daughter. You'll be the perfect family. I understand completely," He taunted, his resentment accentuating every word.

Her face flashed with indignation and a deep sorrow, before her stony mask was set into place. He was too busy wallowing to see the change: to understand the implications. She moved purposefully over to chair where his shirt had been discarded. She wadded it up, whipped it at him, and murmured, "Sometimes you're more like Jerry than I ever realized. Get out."

Derek's head whipped up at this comment, but she'd already strode out of the bedroom. He could hear her feet patter down the stairs. He gathered the rest of his stuff and looked a mixture of wistfully and disdainfully, at the bed, before following her down the stairs. He could hear her talking on the phone softly to Sophia about something wonderful the small girl had done with her cousins. He shut the door to the sounds of her tinkling laugh. He was halfway to his place when his phone buzzed loudly, Garcia.

"Hey, Hot Stuff, we've got a case."

"Ok, Baby Girl, I'll be there in twenty minutes."

When he arrived at the BAU, he was still fuming from Ashley's rejection. He couldn't help the glowers he sent to his Unit Chief during round table and later as they prepped. As they were preparing to leave for the airstrip, Hotch stopped him.

"Morgan, did I do something," Hotch asked with confusion knitting his brow.

"I hope you and Ashley are happy," Derek remarked before briskly stridding away.

Derek didn't wait or turn to see Hotch's brow knit further in confusion. If only Derek had known the drastic mis-profiling he had done. If he had just stopped to look at the reactions of his word-vomit victims, he would have realized that Hotch and Ashley's relationship was merely platonic.

Later, after the team had briefed and Hotch had handed out assignments, Hotch tried to breach the subject with him.

"Morgan, Ashley and I are," Hotch started but Morgan cut him off with his hand.

"I really don't want to discuss your personal life, Hotch," Morgan replied before sliding on his headphones and closing his eyes. Hotch was thoroughly off-put and slightly pissed. He wasn't use to being treated in such a brusque manner. There were many times that Morgan had become angry with him, but he rarely treated him so rudely or interrupted him so briskly. To top that off, Hotch wasn't exactly sure what there was to be angry about. So, he sat down in one of the chairs and contemplated what the hell could've set Morgan off.

Ashley heard the door click and she let out a little whimper before covering it with a cough before her daughter guessed something was wrong. She tried to listen intently to her daughter's story, but the most response she could deliver was some half-hearted murmurs. Thank goodness her daughter was so excited that she didn't realize her mother was on the verge of tears. After she confirmed that she'd be picking her daughter up later that afternoon, she hung up the phone and slid down onto the hard tile-floor. She covered her face and had an overwhelming want to cry, but she couldn't she just sat there for fifteen minutes. She sat there thinking what the hell had brought that on, who the hell did he think he was, and what the hell was she going to tell Sophia when Derek no longer came over. As the last thought crossed her mind, she wailed uncontrollably. This would kill Sophia and it definitely wouldn't be a walk in the park for her either. They had become so reliant on Derek that she couldn't imagine their lives without him. She didn't want to think about the devastation she had just caused her daughter with one fell swoop. One drunken night of sex had led her to this heartbroken world. She laughed self-deprecatingly, tears unceasingly flowing; when the hell would she learn not to get utterly sloshed and sleep with someone because she was weak. This was even worse than the first time, at least, the first time it hadn't been with someone as important in her as Derek Morgan.

"In the whole round of human affairs little is so fatal to peace as misunderstanding." -Margaret E. Sangster


	9. Bad Profiler

**Don't own _Criminal__Minds._**

Chapter 9: Bad Profiler

It hit Aaron hard as they were exiting the plane that Derek thought he was involved-involved with Ashley. Then Aaron's brain clicked and he realized his agent was desperately in love with Ashley. It wasn't merely anger that Aaron had seen when Derek remarked snidely at him; it was betrayal and a desperate anguish that could only signal his love for the woman he thought Aaron was involved with.

As long as the problem didn't seem to affect how Derek worked, Aaron was going to leave it until they returned to Quantico. Derek's hostility was barely being subdued and it didn't go unacknowledged by Aaron when Dave had a private word with Derek. While it didn't quite eliminate the aggression, it was less obvious, especially to the locals.

When they disembarked the plane having finished the case successfully, Aaron approached Derek. Derek was weary, but Aaron could sense the wall Derek threw up when Aaron came close to him.

"Morgan, Ashley and I aren't seeing each other," Aaron snapped before Derek could turn away. Derek shook his head and Aaron continued, "The only reason we even remotely see each other is because Jack and Sophia are close. She's a good mother and Jack has really taken a liking to Ashley and Sophia. He told me the other day that she reminds him of Haley because she gives mommy-hugs. I want my son to have a motherly figure. I know his Aunt Jessica tries to do that for him, but she fills the aunt role and she always will. It's not the same as a mother though and while Ashley will never replace Haley for Jack; she can be there for him like I can't. Morgan, you have to understand it is only for my son and her daughter that we spend time together."

Derek grunted in response, "Morgan, I can see you care for her deeply and I would never try to stand in your way that is not why we spend time together. It's nice to know another parent at Jack's school. It's beneficial that I also enjoy her company, but there are no romantic feelings between us; we are friends because of our children."

"I think she loves you."

Aaron let out a bark of a laugh that took Derek back, "I would be worried about your profiling skills if it wasn't for the fact that I know personal involvement can cause people to be irrational. Morgan, she cares about you; you're very important to her and Sophia. I would venture to say she loves you, even if she tries desperately to hide it and/or deny it."

"You must be a bad profiler too then, because you're totally off. She doesn't love me."

"Don't be so sure, but at least remember they need you. You're important in their lives."

Derek was taken aback by Aaron's statements. He knew he couldn't turn away from them but he wasn't sure if he could be involved when it hurt so much to see Ashley and not be allowed to love her. However, he had been craving to see Sophia's smile. He was going to try to make this better, even if that meant only being a family friend.

BREAK

"So, you're my babysitter for the next four hours," Ashley said glancing at Derek and offering him a homemade cookie.

"Babysitter," Derek scoffed.

"Captain America thinks I'm going to go nuclear and so one of you must always sit with me. Dr. Reid seemed to have the hardest time. He doesn't really get Chicago sarcasm, does he?"

Derek snorted again.

"What happened to you?" Ashley asked softly. "Never mind, you don't have to answer that. I just want to think about something other than that my kids are gone and I'm completely useless to that."

Derek's expression was unguarded for a minute before he sighed, "What makes you think anything happened to me?"

"Well, first of all you can't do a job like yours and not have something that made you want to do it," his eyebrow quirked at her. "Secondly, when Jerry's father clapped you on the shoulder and called you son you flinched ever so slightly and I probably wouldn't have noticed it except that I make it a point to watch people's body language when I meet them. I teach and I look for these sorts of things to try to protect my students. I've seen it before, the flinching; boys are pretty good at covering it up but they can't help their basic instincts. It usually only lasts a second, but I make it a point to look for that instinct and I saw it in you. Really, though, you don't have to tell me."

"I'm glad somebody is looking out for kids like me," he responded.

"Couldn't look out for my own kids though," she said her eyes turning glassy.

"This isn't your fault."

"I keep trying to tell myself that, but I can't help it. I'm their mother; I'm supposed to protect them from bad things even their father."

At that moment the doorbell rang and Ashley jumped. Standing at the door was Jerry and she bit her cheek. Derek came up behind her and walked past her to open the door. He pushed Jerry outside and Ashley could tell they were having a terse conversation, but it didn't stop Jerry from pushing past Derek and into the house.

"The bastards won't let me help," Jerry hissed in Ashley's face. Her eyes narrowed at him and she stalked back into the kitchen.

"You can't do anything about it, Jerry." Jerry glared at her, "Jerry, you're a suspect."

Jerry sputtered and then he yelled, "Why aren't you a suspect, you didn't even want them."

She turned on her heels and she slapped him hard across the face with a loud crack. His head whipped to the right and then she was shoving him.

"How dare you? How fucking dare you?" She shrieked and her eyes gleamed with rage. Derek wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her away from Jerry.

"Maybe, you should leave," Derek suggested. Ashley had stopped struggling, but Derek wasn't sure if he should let her go just yet.

"No let him stay," Ashley countered, "So I can tell him what a piece of shit, he really is."

"Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so." -David Grayson

**Please Review! Thanks to all who do!**


	10. Profiling the Children

**Don't own _Criminal Minds. _**

Chapter 10: Profiling the Children

"Aaron, stop profiling the children," Ashley whispered amusedly, bumping shoulders congenially with him. Aaron cleared his throat, but couldn't help the equally amused half smile that graced his features.

It wasn't that he was purposefully trying to profile the children; it was just that they were acting so peculiarly. The usual exuberant gleefulness had been turned into a methodical pseudo-seriousness. He had the sneaking suspicion, alright it wasn't sneaking or a suspicion but plain out the determination of the obvious, that his son and his accomplice were trying to pair their parents up.

It didn't take an elite FBI profiler to realize that the two were trying to set them up. The children were continually walking on the outside and he knew for sure that his son was bumping him into Ashley. He had no doubt that Ashley was getting the same treatment on her side, because she would look over at him with a small, knowing smile. When the children were in front of them, they would occasionally throw back what Aaron would have to assume were supposed to be furtive looks but were just blatant stares and unmanageable titters. What worried him was the obvious hopefulness in his son's eyes directed at the young mother. Sophia had a similar look, but it was cast at Jack and not in his direction. This Aaron was thankful for; a childhood crush he could deal with but parental want was more difficult and heart-wrenching.

"I think it's kind of sweet," She said to him as the children chattered animatedly about what exhibit they wanted to visit next, but still keeping an eye on their parents' progression. She obviously hadn't seen Jack's unmitigated want or she didn't see the issue in it. He wanted to caution her, but he wasn't sure against what. The children's argument interrupted Aaron's thoughts. Jack wanted to see the pandas, but Sophia was adamant about going to the birdhouse immediately.

"Well, I'm with Jack," Ashley said as she reached for Jack's hand, "Come on Jack, let's blow this popsicle stand." Ashley proceeded to skip and Jack looked at his dad for a brief moment before clasping her hand tightly and skipping along with her elatedly.

"Mom, it's a cotton candy stand," Sophia huffed exasperatedly, but as she watched them skip the little girl let out a giggle and looked at Aaron. Aaron chuckled with her and then gave her a serious look before he addressed her.

"Well, Miss Sophia, we better go make sure they don't fall in and get chomped on like bamboo." He said using his exaggerated agent voice. She smiled at him and they followed the two maniacs slower. Halfway to the panda exhibit, Aaron felt a sticky hand slide into his. He looked down at her and she looked away quickly trying to look anywhere but at him and he squeezed her hand gently. She relaxed visibly and held his hand tighter. He knew she must be dolefully missing a father-figure in her life. Sophia had asked him on the car ride over why he was making Morgan work so much. He hadn't let his confusion show; their caseload had been relatively light lately. When he had glanced at Ashley, she hadn't been able to hide her wince and shame at the question. She had bit her lip noticeably and rapidly blinked. He prided himself on trying not to discuss or involve personal matters in the office, but this seemed to cry for a clarification. He felt that he needed to set Morgan right to help this little girl and maybe benefit the woman who he was now beginning to consider a friend.

When Sophia and Aaron arrived at the panda exhibit, they saw Ashley and Jack chatting animatedly. Jack was waving his arms and pointing at the pandas. Aaron wasn't quite sure why Jack had an obsession with the bamboo-eating animal, but he did and obviously he wasn't the only one. Ashley was pressed closely to the fence and smiling as largely as Jack.

"They're just lazy bears that eat bamboo," Sophia whined as they approached the two.

"Actually, they're probably the least lazy bears," Jack stated, eyes not straying from the panda munching bamboo, "They don't hibernate like most bears."

"And you be nice or they might come out and eat you," Ashley teased her daughter tickling Sophia lightly.

"They're vegetarians, Mom." Sophia drawled.

"Actually, they're carnivores who happen to eat bamboo," Jack replied.

"Jack, how do you know so much about pandas?" Aaron asked amusedly.

"Mom used to read me _Little__Panda_at night when we were away because it was about a mom leaving but always coming back. She would read it to me when I missed you. I liked it so much, so then mom bought me more books about pandas and we would read them all the time. Mom said pandas were her favorite, too." Jack's response was succinct and he smiled slightly at Aaron. Ashley looked down on the little boy and pulled him into her side and squeezed tightly.

"Obviously, your mom was pretty awesome, because pandas are the greatest. She was a smart lady." Ashley said trying to lighten the mood and keep the day happy.

"Yeah, she was." Aaron and Jack said together and then shared a slight grin. Then Jack turned back around to look at the pandas.

"I guess they're not as boring as I thought," Sophia said softly and joined Jack leaning over the fence. She listened enraptured as Jack listed all the facts about pandas.

"I should've known about that." Aaron said.

"O, shut up, seriously stop beating yourself up or I will have to beat you up." Ashley said hip-checking him softly. Aaron snorted at her.

"I'd like to see you try." He responded.

"O, Agent Hotchner, I am very wily."

"Is that so? Maybe, I need you on my team."

"Yeah right, I couldn't pass that test if you trained me." She replied and they both laughed.

"I thought you said you were wily."

"Yeah, wily, but not strong." She said grinning, "Plus what exactly would you need an English teacher for."

"You obviously underestimate the torture that is a grammar lesson." She looked at him and let a whooping laugh at his unexpected joke and rolled her eyes.

"I'm serious," he dead-panned.

"Remembering is painful, it's difficult, but it can be inspiring and it can give wisdom." - Paul Greengrass


	11. If the Shoe Fits

**Don't own _Criminal Minds. _**

Chapter 11: If the Shoe Fits

Derek was worried about going over to Ashley's place, but he hadn't seen them in weeks, unless it was to drop off or pick up Clooney during which Ashley usually leaned against a doorframe her arms crossed and Sophia bounced oblivious to the tension. He's drawn to them in some sort of cosmic synergy that sounds a whole lot more like Garcia and nothing like him but he can't deny it. It was Saturday and he had the entire day free, but had needlessly postponed going until the afternoon. He was afraid Ashley would reject him.

He had just returned from a case in Chicago and brought them a few Lou Malnati's par-baked and frozen pizzas. He knocked on the door and watched as Ashley skidded into the door. She propped open the door as Clooney ran up behind her.

"He's almost ready to go. Right, Clooney?" She said scratching Clooney between the ears and going into the kitchen. He let himself into the house and followed her.

"Thanks for watching him." Derek responded and she rolled her eyes at him and handed him the bag of Clooney's stuff.

"I was thinking we could do something tonight," Derek said noticing Ashley's slight cringe and feeling kind of ridiculous. "And I brought you guys back some pizzas from Chicago."

"Thanks, it's especially outstanding coming from a Giordano's lover," she replied with a genuine grin on her face as she tried to find a place for the boxes. "Well, Sophia and I already have plans with Jess, Matt, Jack, and Aaron tonight to go do Christmas-y activities as Jess called them, but you can come along if you want. Fi would definitely love it if you came along."

He realized that now if he said no he would sound like a bastard, but he really didn't want to spend his day-off with his drill-sergeant of a boss. He tried to smile at her, but he knew it was half-hearted at best. Sophia took that opportunity to skip into the kitchen and wail his name. He knew he couldn't escape now; Ashley would've let him scurry off with his tail between his legs, but not Sophia. He was soon engulfed in the little girl's hug and being charmed with stories about her recent escapades.

"Are you coming with us, Derek? It would be awesome if you came with us," Sophia squealed as she squeezed Derek's neck tightly.

"Sure, princess, I'd be happy to go with you." Her responding screech was the only confirmation he needed that he was doing the right thing at least for her.

Sophia and Ashley rushed to get ready for their excursion and Derek played with Clooney. He was worried about Hotch's response and how awkward the situation might turn out to be. He felt like he was intruding on family time. A feeling he had never had when he visited and Jerry, Ashley, and Sophia were spending time together. He wondered if Ashley, Sophia, Hotch, and Jack would end up being a family together. No matter what the two said about not being attracted to one another it seemed that they couldn't help spending time together like a family would. He felt pushed out; he wanted to spend time together like a family would. Why couldn't they be a family together?

The doorbell rang again and this time Sophia slid into the door; she was so much like her mother. Walking towards the door Derek could hear Jack singing "Jingle Bells" enthusiastically. The group of four pushed their way into the townhouse greeting the bouncing little girl, but Hotch suddenly froze his eyes landing on Derek. Derek could see his boss shift visibly from father to boss. Ashley tromped down the stairs and Derek watched as she walked up to Hotch linked arms with him and dragged him into her small dining room. Derek's stomach clenched; he wanted out but he was held back from the dash out the door by a small hand folded in his.

When Ashley heard the second doorbell she had expected to run interference, it was her usual role. She had to get Aaron by himself to explain the situation, so she looped her arm into his and dragged him off to the dining room. Jess winked at her as they passed and Ashley roller her eyes. Jess was pining for a relationship almost as much as Jack.

As she pushed him into the dining room she repeated, "Sorry."

"I don't like fraternizing with my co-workers," Aaron said sternly; his austerity did not have the expected effect on Ashley who began to giggle. She rested her hands on Aaron's arms trying to regain her balance.

"You realize that made it sound like you were sleeping with Derek and that would be terribly interesting and probably extremely hot." Ashley responded winking at him.

"It's hard to spend time with a fellow agent, especially someone on my team. Morgan is use to me as a … a…" He trailed off searching for the appropriate word.

"Hard ass," she supplied. "Well, let's mess with his psyche and show him the sweet fatherly Aaron Hotchner."

"I'm not sure I want him to see that side." He responded gruffly and almost moodily, she thought.

"O, give it a break, Aaron," she huffed. "I'm sure he's seen it before and it's not going to make him think any less of you. Probably more, in fact, and anyways, when will you men realize it's not about you? It's about the children." He startled her when he returned her decree with a grin. They stood there grinning at each other for an instant.

"Shall we return to the festivities," he questioned as they heard the children break into a rousing round of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

"Yes, we shall," she responded and he offered her his arm. She took it laughing.

They returned to the kitchen and found the other five munching cookies and talking about what they wanted for Christmas, okay maybe those activities were being done mostly by Jack and Sophia. When the two walked into the kitchen, Jack threw himself at Ashley, but Sophia was more cautious, she glanced up at Derek before walking over to Aaron and hugging him quickly around the middle.

Derek was exhilarated at the glance that Sophia threw back at him and her quick return to his side, but he couldn't help the jealously that ran through him when he watched her affection for Hotch. Derek wondered if Ashley was replacing Liam with Jack because of the way she chatted with him so animatedly. It made him jealous that he couldn't offer her a son like Hotch could. She had been so angry when he mentioned it, but right in front of him was the proof.

They left shortly after; piling into Hotch's large SUV, thankfully, Matt and Jess taking Matt's smaller sedan separately. Jack sat in the middle and both kids bounced up and down in their seats. The children's chatter dampened the awkwardness that the adults produced.

They walked around the capital and stared at the beautiful light displays. The children, Jess, and Ashley's gleefulness was contagious and soon Derek was grinning shamelessly. However, his brightened mood didn't last much longer. He had found it slightly amusing that Ashley leaned over the railings and acted like a kid enthralled by the lights. It was partially what endeared her to him. Her captivation sometimes meant she spent more time than the children allowed staring at something. The group would meander off and Ashley would still be there. He thought she looked gorgeous and youthful, until Hotch walked up and rested a hand on her lower back and began guiding her. The first time Hotch rested a hand on her back she jumped, then Hotch whispered something to her, and she laughed leaning slightly into him not shaking off the hand like Derek had expected. Derek felt like the fifth wheel, but Sophia refused to let him pout in peace she was continually pulling on his hand and being as adorable as ever. He was lost in his meditative black hole and didn't notice when Ashley sidled up next to him.

"Not as good as State Street and the Christkindlmarket, but it's still pretty great isn't it?" She asked bumping shoulders with him.

"Yeah, I always miss home around now," he responded.

"Most definitely, you don't realize how much you love Chicago until you're missing all the things you took advantage of, except the weather. I don't really miss the weather." She looked up at him and grinned. He laughed in return starting to feel much better.

Sophia ran up and demanded Derek lift her up so she could see better, then she was talking animatedly with her mother and Derek. He thought it was the perfect time to wrap an arm around Ashley and pull her closer to him and her daughter. She tensed at first, but then relaxed and continued their discussion. He felt fantastic. Mere moments into this idyllic pose, there was a tug on Ashley's sleeve and Jack was dragging her somewhere glaring at Derek and looking at Sophia with hurt in his eyes. Ashley followed Jack shrugging her shoulders at Derek and Sophia. Sophia after burrowing into his side asked to be put down and followed after Ashley and Jack. The moment was lost.

He rejoined the group and ended up standing next to Hotch. The discomfort rippled between them and he wanted to say a great deal to his boss but he was sure it wouldn't go over well.

"She's just trying to replace Liam," Derek hissed at Hotch as they watched Ashley hold hands with both children gazing up at the Capitol Christmas tree. His emphasis on the word replace reverberated between them.

"You're lucky she didn't hear that, because I'm sure she would not take too kindly to that accusation," Hotch responded levelly.

"Well you can't deny it," Derek responded tersely.

"And I assume you're implying that my son is trying to replace his mother and likewise that I am trying to replace my ex-wife," Hotch's tone methodical as he gave his assessment.

"If the shoe fits," Derek knew he was picking a fight with Hotch, be he was irritated. Hotch's jaw flexed, but he didn't lash out like Derek secretly hoped he would.

"Do not insult me and my son because you feel inadequate," Hotch returned and walked briskly to join the others.

Derek watched seething as Hotch scooped up Jack and then Sophia lifting them higher to view the tree. He could tell all six were laughing. When Hotch finally put the children down, the two children grabbed Ashley and Hotch's hands, and they looked incredibly average and all together perfect. He was resolute that the day had failed until Ashley shouted his name waving him over. Maybe there was hope for him.

~BREAK~

Derek leaned against the doorframe of the living room and watched the two avoid each other. Ashley sat flipping vigorously through the channels. There was no way she could have been watching any of the shows; she was flying through the channels. Jerry was attempting to throw furtive glares at Derek but Derek felt all of them, but decided not to address them.

"O fuck this," Ashley said throwing her remote on the couch. She stalked into the kitchen and Derek followed her.

"What are you doing?" He cautiously approached her.

"Do you like cookies?" She spun bumping into his chest.

"Excuse me."

"Do you like cookies? I have to do something and I know I'm not allowed to leave; so I am going to bake." As she finished her proclamation Derek's phone buzzed in his pocket.

"Morgan," he answered. He listened intently, "I'll leave right now and be there soon. Yeah, I understand, Hotch."

"They found them," she said and her eyes gleamed with hope.

"Love sees sharply, hatred sees even more sharp, but jealousy sees the sharpest for it is love and hate at the same time." –Arab Proverb

**AN: Would love reviews! Thanks!**


	12. Just Staying

**AN: Don't own _Criminal _Minds, sadly. Would love reviews! Thanks!**

Chapter 12: Just Staying

"I can't believe you haven't even been living here a year. I feel like I've known you forever." Jess told Ashley as Sophia and Jack enjoyed their sprinkler in the summer sun.

"I can't believe you're getting married." Ashley raised her eyebrows comically and handed Jess a glass of iced tea.

"It's kind of crazy," Jess agreed.

"So what's Aaron going to do with Jack after you get married?" Ashley asked.

"I thought I'd just keep watching him; he's my nephew and I love him," Jess said taken aback.

"I know that, Jess," Ashley responded. "I was just asking because I thought you said Matt got a new job in Baltimore."

"He did," Jess said looking around sheepishly.

"And you expected that poor newlywed man to drive that far every day," Ashley asked astonished. Jessica threw a napkin at her. "I'm serious, Jess, don't put your life on hold."

"When Haley died, I told Aaron I would be there for them," Jess whispered.

"I'll do it," Ashley said, Jess looked at her confused. "I'll take care of Jack when Aaron is out of town."

"You have a kid and a job," Jess said exasperatedly.

"You're gonna have a new husband and you have a job too, plus, exactly I have a kid I know how to handle children," Ashley mocked Jess's tone.

"I couldn't ask you to do that," Jess sighed.

"Yeah, you could, but we'd have to convince Aaron."

"Guess, I'm staying in Woodbridge," Jess laughed.

"Jess, Aaron wants you to be happy. Let me talk to him." Ashley appealed.

"Alright, Miss Pushy," Jess laughed.

"That's exactly how I'm gonna convince Aaron, so be grateful," Ashley snorted.

When Ashley and Sophia arrived at Aaron and Jack's for a barbeque, Ashley confronted Aaron.

"Did you know Matt got a new job in Baltimore?" Ashley asked innocently.

"Yes," Aaron acknowledged as he took the meat out of the marinade.

"Don't you think that's kind of far to drive every day for a newlywed, wouldn't it be better if he and Jess lived near Baltimore?"

"Ashley, what is this about?" He turned looking at the younger woman exasperatedly.

"I think you should let Jess move and I'll watch Jack." Ashley rushed.

"I do not want to mess with Jack's routine."

"How about we consult Jack, the three of us, together?"

"I would rather he have a familiar routine."

"Is this about Jack, Aaron? Or is this about you?"

"We'll talk to him together."

"Great, Jess'll be so happy."

Later that evening, they sat down with Jack. Of course, much to Aaron's chagrin, Jack was excited to get to spend so much time with Ashley and Sophia.

Their trial run started three days later when Aaron got called away. Aaron and Jess had left Ashley extensive notes, when Ashley saw them she shook her head and laughed. Ashley had set up the guest bedroom to be more conducive to Jack's needs. She wanted him to be as comfortable as possible. It seemed to her that he was, but she couldn't help checking on him throughout the night. Before she fell asleep, the phone rang.

"Hi, Aaron?"

"How are you, Ashley?"

"Well, thanks, and yourself?"

"I'm fine. How's Jack doing?" His voice was anxiety ridden.

"He's great, passed out in his bed."

"And you don't mind?"

"No, Jack's great."

"Good," he said sounding distracted.

"Get back to work, Aaron, so you can get home." She joked and his laugh surprised her.

"Be safe, Aaron."

"I'll try."

"You better," that gained her another laugh.

"Good-bye, Miss Barton," he said, amusement in his tone.

"Bye, Agent Hotchner," she hung up and looked at the phone with a smile on her face.

Aaron arrived back in Quantico four days later and well after Jack's bedtime, but he drove to Ashley's townhouse anyways. She answered her door in a pair of preposterous pajamas. She let him in with a smile.

"He's asleep," she issued as a greeting.

"I hoped he would be," he replied.

"Do you want to go wake him?"

"Yeah, I want to go home." he said sort of shamefacedly.

"Don't be embarrassed for loving your son, Aaron, but I'd feel better if you two stayed the night. I'll make breakfast in the morning. Jack and Fi were super excited about Waffle Sunday."

"Ashley, I can't ask that," Aaron sighed.

"Why do people keep confusing my offers with non-asked questions?" Ashley sighed exasperatedly.

"Well, if you insist." He exhaled noisily, "Plus, who would want to miss Waffle Sunday?"

"Exactly," she said. He returned to his car to grab his go bag.

The next morning the house was in full swing when Aaron returned from his jog. Sophia and Jack were setting the table and Ashley was frying bacon on the stove.

"Dad," Jack shouted when he stood in the doorway.

"Hi, look at you two being helpful," Aaron appraised.

"If they want waffles," Ashley joked. "Go wash your hands, kiddos."

"I haven't had a homemade breakfast, not made by me, in months," Aaron sighed.

"Well it's your lucky day," Ashley laughed.

"Mm, yeah, it is."

"So, Agent Hotchner would you like anything in your waffle? Chocolate chips? Pecans? Blueberries?"

"Would you think it childish if I requested chocolate chips?"

"Chocolate chips, it is," she responded smiling and throwing a chip at him. He caught it and popped it in his mouth.

When the children came back into the kitchen and climbed into their chairs, they began rambling to Aaron about the last few days. They told him about how they went to the park and played lava monster, how they saw the new Disney movie, and how they made a fort out of the family room furniture. Aaron went to help Ashley, but she shooed him back to the table telling him if he wanted to help her he could do the dishes. Ashley brought over plates of stacked waffles and bacon.

"Whose waffle is which?" Aaron asked speculatively.

"Chocolate chip waffles all around," Ashley commented winking at him. He laughed in return.

Breakfast went well and Aaron felt comfortable in the cozy townhouse. He did the dishes and then he and Jack got dressed. Jack ran downstairs and joined Sophia in the backyard. Aaron sighed because he knew it would be difficult to extract Jack and not at all fair.

"Jack, buddy, it's time to go." Aaron sighed heavily.

"But Dad, Fi and I were gonna play with Clooney until Mr. Derek came to get him."

"Jack, we should head home," Aaron said.

"No," Jack protested again, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Jackster, your dad wants to go home, bud, but we'll see you real soon. Fi will see you at camp tomorrow," Ashley coaxed as she crouched down to talk to him.

"But I wanna play," Jack started.

"Me too," Sophia added standing shoulder to shoulder with Jack.

This scene played itself out during every departure. It was heart wrenching for Aaron to watch Jack be pulled from this semblance of a happy family. When the four of them would sit down for a meal or spend time just watching cartoons, Aaron could understand the appeal of just staying.


	13. Waffles for Rent

**AN: Don't own _Criminal Minds. _Please leave feedback! Thanks! **

Chapter 13: Waffles for Rent

"Your lease is nearly up," Aaron commented conversationally, toying with the stem of his wine glass. Ashley affirmed with a hum.

"I was thinking," Aaron began and Ashley smiled at his almost shy tone, "That you and Sophia should move in with Jack and me. I purchased a beautiful house close to here last year; it has two master suites, large bedrooms, a renovated kitchen, and a nice backyard. Rationally, it would make sense if you could…" She cut him off with a laugh. His rambling was completely out of character and it amused Ashley more than it should have. Aaron looked at her almost horrified as she fell over herself giggling.

"So that's a no," Aaron surmised and Ashley shook her head swallowing her laughter.

"No, Aaron, I think it's a fantastic idea. It's just that you sounded so unsure and that's so unlike you. You're always sure," Ashley said nudging his shoulder, "But I don't think I'll be able to afford the rent."

"Don't be silly, I'll trade childcare and waffles for rent."

"So now you're my sugar daddy," Ashley teased and Aaron snorted in return.

"I'm not that old."

"Oh okay. Don't wanna break it to you, Agent, but you're more than a decade older than me, so I'm gonna be a pseudo-wife with no sex," Ashley assessed and Aaron choked on his wine.

"But Aaron, the sex is the best part," Ashley whined.

"You're going to kill this old man," Aaron sighed faking exasperation.

"I do think it is a good idea and much more convenient," Ashley agreed, "Seal it with a kiss, quasi-husband."

Ashley leaned into him, placed a hand on his cheek, and kissed him gently. He pulled away and shook his head.

"I don't think this is a good idea, Miss Barton," Aaron responded.

"O, Miss Barton, is it? Agent Hotchner, what would be a good idea? All I know is that we're moving in together and I'm not sure about your situation, but living with your child and someone of the opposite sex and their child is a pretty big no-no in the dating world."

"Ashley…"

"Think about it Aaron, I know what you do. It would be easy. Who cares if it's not the passionate, all-consuming love from the movies? It'll be good enough, it'll be easy, and our kids will be happy."

"Maybe you're right, but I don't want the children to know until we're sure."

"I could get behind that, but I want you to know that I love Jack and no matter what happens that will always be true. I will always take care of him."

"He loves you, too. Sometimes, I get jealous when he wants to call you at night."

"Well that's just because I'm a rock-star with sleepy-time songs."

She leaned in again and this time he didn't pull away. Everything was tentative and tender. Their tongues didn't duel, they caressed. Their hands didn't pull and tug, they skimmed. There was no fight for control, but a communion of two bodies. Ashley wanted it to be enough.

BREAK

"I'm going with you," Ashley demanded as Derek made his way to the door.

"Stay here," Derek ordered.

"Please, if they're alive," her voice bounced, "I want to be there. They'll be so scared."

"Alright, we've gotta hurry," Derek went to the SUV and they rushed to the precinct.

From there, Derek and Captain America made plans for extraction with the least loss of life. Ashley couldn't take it; she paced until she felt that she'd produced enough friction to burn a hole through the carpet.

"We're going, stay here with Agent Rossi," Derek said.

"But," She made to protest.

"Please, we can't worry about you."

"Alright, please, bring them back to me."

Agent Rossi tried to get her to sit, to eat something, to drink something, to do anything, but pace. She couldn't though, he body thrummed with nerves: her blood rushing in her ears made it hard to hear, her heart beating erratically, and her legs wanting to move.

"They're coming back," Agent Rossi told her, but his voice held a hint of horror and hopefulness.

"Do they have them?"

"They have Sophia," Agent Rossi soothed, "and the man who did it, but they were too late to save Liam."

She clenched her jaw and squeezed her eyes shut. The overwhelming urge to lie down and weep or to throw things consumed her, but she knew she had to be strong for Sophia. She couldn't fall apart when her daughter was broken.

They arrived shortly after Agent Rossi broke the news. Sophia was wrapped spider-monkey-like around Derek's torso and her head buried in his neck. Her body shaking visibly, her clothes grubby, and her hair matted. Derek whispered to her, her head popped up, and she found her mother in the crowd. Ashley let out a sob when she saw the blood caked on her daughter's face. She rushed towards the pair and Sophia threw herself into her mother's arms. Ashley caressed Sophia's cheek, assessing the damage.

"It's not hers," Derek exhaled stroking Sophia's hair. The unspoken 'it's Liam's,' caused Ashley to dig her face into Sophia's frenzied curls that absorbed the choked noise and the rogue tears.

"Thank you," Ashley whispered squeezing her daughter.

Derek walked away, allowing mother and daughter to be reunited and so he could ream that bastard in interrogation. Ashley just stood in the middle of the precinct holding her daughter. She couldn't move, for she feared that she would collapse under the weight. Suddenly, Sophia lifted her head and made an excruciatingly alarmed noise.

"Derek," Sophia bawled her body straining in Ashley's arms as she looked around for the agent. Her cry startled the entire department and Agent Jareau rushed to the interrogation room. Sophia continued her litany of the agent's name in a roughened voice. Derek came rushing into the room. When Sophia saw him she relaxed and reached an arm toward him, the other arm wrapped tightly around Ashley's neck. Sophia fisted his tee in her hand.

"Stay," Sophia demanded in her weakened voice and the only thing Derek could do was nod in acquiesce, for fear that he would allow tears to roll down his cheeks if he spoke. He then noticed that Sophia wasn't the only one shaking that Ashley had begun to vibrate. He placed his hand on her lower back and led her to a row of chairs. They fell into the chairs and Sophia curled into her mother's lap keeping her eyes on Derek.

Jerry hustled into the room followed closely by his parents. Sophia saw him and whimpered loudly turning her head into Ashley's stomach. Ashley's innards rolled; there was no way in hell she was going to allow Jerry to frighten her. Ashley gently lifted Sophia and placed her in Derek's lap. She proceeded to Jerry and placed a calming hand on his chest.

"Please, don't," She whispered desperately, but he didn't listen. When he lifted her out of Derek's lap she let out a screech.

"No, no, no, no, no," She wailed. Sophia reached for her mother who wrapped her arms tightly.

"Baby, daddy loves you," Ashley whispered. Derek and Jerry hovered closely to the two. Again Sophia reached out her hand to fist in Derek's shirt.

"Safe," she sighed when she had a handful of fabric.

AN: So, I didn't put a quote last time… so here are two. Please leave feedback!

"If there is such a thing as a good marriage, it is because it resembles friendship rather than love."-Michel Eyquem de Montaigne

"Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety." - William Shakespeare


	14. Agent Meddlesome

**AN: Don't own _Criminal Minds, _Please leave feedback! Thanks!**

Chapter 14: Agent Meddlesome

"Excuse me," Derek said as Sophia told him that she was going to live with Jack. Ashley bit her lip and tried to smile at him. She shooed Sophia into the living room as Derek followed her into kitchen.

"Tell me she's kidding," he said as she offered him a drink.

"No, Derek, she's not kidding," she groaned. Derek's eyes narrowed and she busied herself making drinks.

"So you and Hotch," he quizzed in his interrogator voice.

"So Aaron and I," she mimed.

"Do you love him?" He asked. Her hesitancy caused him to look at her aghast. "You don't love him, but you're going to play house with him?"

"We agreed that it didn't have to be about love."

"Hotch, agreed to this?"

"Yeah, we're both busy and have children. We understand each other. It's not the thing of movies, but it'll be fine."

"That's all you can say?"

"Yeah, it'll be easy."

"Who says easy is that great?"

"Derek, I just want it to be easier, I can't… I can't," she tried.

"You can't what?"

"I can't fall in love, not again," she sighed pursing her lips trying to keep her emotions in check.

"Slow your roll, you're young, don't subject yourself to a loveless relationship," he said, his voice softening.

"It won't be loveless; Aaron and I care about each other. We're just not in mad, passionate, Hallmark card love. I can't subject myself or my daughter to that kind of fighting or pain, even if it does mean passion and overwhelming feelings. I can't subject myself to that."

"O, Baby Doll," he sighed and pulled her into his arms.

"I'm sorry, Derek."

"There's nothing to be sorry for," he pressed a kiss to the top of her head and held her against his chest. The embrace made Ashley's emotions swirl. She felt so safe and loved curled into his body. Safer than she'd ever felt in her entire life, but her heart didn't feel safe. She wanted to protect herself against things that would ruin her. Jerry's rejection had scarred her more than she'd ever admitted, but Liam's death had left her with an unrecognizable heart. She couldn't allow it to get marred anymore. She would take the safe road for herself and Sophia.

"Why couldn't it be me?" He thought to himself. He held her and then pulled away. He couldn't hold her anymore without saying something that would contradict his 'nothing to be sorry for' statement.

Derek, like the good friend he was, helped Ashley move again. There were two trucks in the townhouse's driveway: one for Hotch's house and one for a storage locker.

"Where do you want the Master Bedroom set?" Derek asked Ashley as she packed dishes.

"In the one for Aaron's," Ashley responded without hesitation as she wrapped a wine glass in newspaper.

"Okay," he responded confusedly.

"I'll be up in like two seconds," she said as she pulled down the last two glasses from the cabinet to smile at him.

"You're gonna help? That sounds dangerous," he responded and she threw a rolled up piece of newspaper at him.

"Yeah, yeah, well I'm all you've got till my brother, Aaron, and Matt show up."

"Yeah, why aren't they here, yet?"

"Aaron picked up Sophia and is taking her and Jack to his place where Jess is going to watch them and my nephews, then he's coming over here with Matt and well my brother and sister-in-law should be here soon-ish. I think you and I can get the easier stuff down the stairs."

"Alright, Baby Doll, let's go."

They carried the stuff companionably up and down the stairs. They even managed to get the mattress and the box spring down the stairs without damage.

"Hotch is letting you overrun his bedroom with your girly stuff?" He joked as they drank ice-water.

"First of all, my stuff isn't girly…"

"You have too many pillows."

"Don't deny it, you love pillows," she teased and winked, "And second of all, I'm not overrunning Aaron's bedroom."

"Then why are you bringing all your bedroom furniture, I'm sure you guys don't need two beds in your room."

"We're not sharing a room, Agent Morgan," Aaron commented as he walked into the room carrying a heap of empty boxes and packing tape.

"No, Agent Meddlesome, we'll be sleeping in separate bedroom, in fact they aren't even on the same floor," Ashley sing-songed, "Now boys get to work."

"Yes, ma'am," Aaron saluted, Derek's eyebrows raised comically, and Ashley giggled.

After all the furniture and boxes were settled in their specific rooms, they sat down to watch the baseball game and eat pizza. The couch, loveseat, and oversized armchair were filled with movers in various states of exhaustion. Jack cuddled next to Aaron on the armchair; Ashley went over scooped him up and fell into his empty spot. Aaron squeezed her arm lightly, but kept his eyes on the screen.

"Jackster, why aren't you playing with Sophia?" She whispered to him. He shrugged his shoulders and kept his eyes tightly fixed on the screen, but she could tell there'd been a problem. She squeezed him around the middle comfortingly and asked again.

"They know each other and I felt lonely," he responded shyly and before Ashley could come up with a plan. Sophia skipped into the room.

"Whatcha doin'?" She yelled, her gaze intent on Jack.

"Watching the baseball game."

"That's stupid," she asserted, Ashley felt Jack recoil, she gazed pointedly at her daughter, and her daughter rushed out, "You should come play with us, they've never played hide 'n seek here, and it'll be great."

"Okay."

"Not in my bedroom or Mr. Aaron's bedroom or office," Ashley bellowed as the two galloped away.

"It's nice to have someone else to shout exceptions to hide 'n seek in this house," She laughed in response to his statement and kissed his jaw lightly. She felt him tense, but she threaded her fingers through his and squeezed. Their relationship was already being assumed about and she thought it would be easier just to draw their friends and family slowly into the idea of it. Rather than having to announce it as if they were announcing some sort of treaty between two powerful countries. He squeezed back and she knew they would be fine. Though fine is always one of those words that leaves a weird aftertaste; fine isn't all that remarkable.

"Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy." –Nora Ephron


	15. The Way You Deserve

**Don't Own _Criminal Minds. _I would love feedback, please! **

Chapter 15: The Way You Deserve

They had fallen into a relaxed routine. Ashley took care of the kids and most of the day to day things. Aaron pitched in where he could when he was home. Aaron always worried that he was taking advantage of her, but she assured him that she did more by herself than she did living with them. Aaron had always made a concerted effort to be the best father he could be when he was home, but since Ashley and Sophia had moved in he'd tried to bump it up.

For two children extremely affected by tragedy, Sophia and Jack were doing well. Since moving in together, there had been a drop in nightmares for both children. Ashley could not decide if it was from the presence of a figure that filled a void or if the children wore each other out so much during the day that there really was not any chance of dreaming. Whatever it was, both parents were extremely grateful.

Aaron and Ashley's relationship had become steady and Ashley found herself building a deep affection for the older man. He was not the man she had met so many years ago, strong, brilliant, standoffish, and emotionless. She realized he could be those things, but if you looked deeply he was in his own little ways incredibly affectionate. The way he would kiss Sophia's curls when she flung herself at him after a long separation or an incredibly exciting day, squeeze Ashley's arm when she was cooking or talking on the phone, or cuddle Jack even when the boy protested he was too old or exactly when Jack needed a warm embrace. She also could not forget that the man was funny, sharp as a tack as her mother would say. One little wink or nose wrinkle from him could send her spiraling into a giggle fit. She had been right, too; it was incredibly easy. There was no fighting between her and Aaron. It was easy and passionless. And she did not mean passionless in the sense that it was loveless or detached, just in the way that their lives together were calm. They never flung themselves at each other or were desperate for the other. However, they kissed and it was pleasant, much better than some of the kisses she had shared with other men, but it was not a fire building in her system. Fires were overrated, though; one wrong step and they engulfed you. She liked their relationship; it was like tea on a cold day, it warmed her up but did not cause a fire. However, they still had not told the children. She suspected they knew; it was not like they tried to hide it. They just were not ready to label it for what it was.

One night weeks after they moved in, Ashley had drifted slightly after valiantly trying to stay awake. She knew Aaron was supposed to have arrived home that evening, but she and the kids had not managed to stay awake even though it was a Friday night. She was floating in a state right above sleep, when she heard the security system beep in response to Aaron's phone app and the front door open. She expected to hear Aaron's feet head to Jack's room, and as of recent, Sophia's. What she didn't expect was for the tread continue to her room. She heard the door open slowly and she tried to pull herself fully from sleep before she could speak she heard the harsh breathing.

"Aaron," she whispered, pushing herself up to look at the doorway. He emitted a noise that sounded like affirmation.

"What's wrong?" She asked. He didn't respond, but his breathing became more strangled.

"Come here," she demanded reaching out an arm to him.

He walked over and climbed onto her bed from the bottom. It smacked her harshly how much he reminded her of Jack when he'd had a nightmare. The resemblance was uncanny: Jack was always at a loss for words, Jack always held back his tears, and he always climbed up the end of the bed instead of crawling into the side. She reached out for him and he didn't hesitate to allow her to pull him into her arms. She rubbed his back soothingly, which she found most useful for Jack, and didn't speak. He stiffened and she knew he had come to the realization that he was sobbing in her arms. She continued to rub his back in hopes that he wouldn't completely shut down.

"What's wrong?" She asked again, keeping her hand firm on his back.

"Bad case, I'm sorry," he responded pulling back from her and sitting on the edge of his bed, his head in his hand.

"There's nothing to be sorry for," she assured and the again, "What happened?"

"Mothers and sons; estranged from the fathers."

"Aaron," she whispered. After his breathing was under control and his back untightened, she climbed cautiously to where he sat and rested her cheek between his shoulder blades. When he didn't pull away, she slid her arms around his waist and let her hands rest lightly on his navel.

"Aaron, I don't know what to say," she said into his shirt.

"That's alright." He moved to get up, but she squeezed tighter.

"Stay with me," she requested. It had shaken her to see him like this.

"I…I…" But finally he just removed his clothes leaving himself in a white undershirt and boxers. She lifted the corner of the covers and he climbed under them. For a second, they lay on their respective pillows staring at the ceiling. Aaron reached for her suddenly and she spooned closer to him.

The next morning, the children were excited to see Aaron and the distressed man from the previous night turned into a carefree dad. They ate donuts, went to the park, and played Mario Kart.

Derek came by to pick up Clooney in the afternoon. Sophia flung herself at him and shared her week. Derek nodded emphatically to her stories, but soon she was distracted by Jack and skipped off. Derek turned to leave, but Ashley reached for him. He turned and looked at her confusedly.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"Aaron told me about the case."

"I don't, never have, and never will have a wife and a son," he said as he turned to leave. She followed him outside and grabbed his arm.

"Derek, that's not true," she said. He spun to look at her.

"I'm almost forty years old; I don't think it's gonna happen."

"Derek, you'll find the right girl and she'll be the luckiest girl in the world," she said and he snorted.

"You don't believe that."

"I do."

"But I'm not for you."

"Derek, I wouldn't be good for you. I'm so fucked up."

"I don't think so."

"You need someone who can love you the way that you deserve."

"You're full of it."

"Maybe I am."

BREAK

Sophia had finally fallen asleep after a trip to the hospital and McDonald's. She was wrapped tightly in a blanket as Ashley held her. She still wasn't speaking in complete sentences nor did she want to see her father or for Derek to leave her sights. She cradled one of Derek's hands like it was a precious doll she slept with every night.

They were sitting on the couch at Ashley's house. There wasn't much space between Derek and Ashley, but they both just stared at the late night programing. Derek kept glancing at her and couldn't fathom why she hadn't fallen asleep yet. Finally, she glanced back at him looking determined.

"I want to see him."

"Ashley, I don't think that's a good idea."

"If she had to see him, I have to see him."

The next morning, while Sophia was sleeping again, Derek took Ashley to the morgue. Derek pulled back the sheet and he heard the strangled wheeze. Ashley bit her lip and stared at the body. She caressed the top of his head and then his bruised cheek. She sobbed and then leaned down to kiss his forehead.

"O, baby boy," she whispered, caressing his hair again, "I love you, Li."

"They think he died protecting Sophia," Derek informed her, she smiled a little and nodded.

"He would, he was very protective of her," she whispered.

"Was he in a lot of pain?" She asked, she knew the answer, but she wished that she was wrong.

"He did what he knew was right and you should be proud of him," he responded and that set her off. She began to sob uncontrollably and she fell against his chest. He held her tightly and stroked her hair and back.

"We should get back before Fi wakes up," she said wiping her eyes before she glanced for the last time at her son.

"The death of a baby is like a stone cast into the stillness of a quiet pool; the concentric ripples of despair sweep out in all directions, affecting many, many people." -De Frain


	16. Ask Away

**A/N: Don't own _Criminal Minds_. I would love feedback!**

Chapter 16: Ask Away

Ashley and Aaron made it a point to go out whenever Aaron was in town for more than three days and that's what they were doing that evening. They had driven into DC to _Fiola_; Ashley adored Italian food. Aaron ordered them a bottle of wine and Ashley looked awe-struck and a little horrified at the menu.

"That bottle of wine cost a fortune," Ashley whispered.

"Stop," Aaron ordered amusedly.

"Seriously though."

"Seriously, stop," he said shooting her a half-grin. They sat silently for a moment perusing the menu before Aaron glanced up quizzically at Ashley.

"Seriously, stop worrying about the cost, it's one night," he said touching her arm softly.

"I'm not used to fancy dates; the last time I went to a fancy restaurant I was going with my family, my father was paying, and I was in college."

"We have plenty."

"You have plenty," she scoffed.

"Fine, but it's enough to go on this date and I'm appalled you have not been to a fancy restaurant in almost a decade."

"Well, you met Jerry; he thinks Olive Garden is fancy."

"Get what you want; we'll still be able to make the mortgage payment," he said winking at her. The waiter returned, Aaron ordered the Branzino, and Ashley the Pappardelle with Sausage and Castelmagno.

"So mister, what do we talk about?"

"Let's not talk about the kids."

"Or your work."

"So that leaves?" He asked and she scrunched her face in thought.

"The weather?" She suggested and he laughed.

"It's supposed to snow this week."

"Is it weird that I'm kind of excited? I mean I abhor driving in it, but I kind of like it anyways," she queried as she sipped her wine. That led to a long conversation about their favorite memories of snow from childhood. Aaron's was building a snow fort with Sean and Ashley's was sledding mishaps with friends.

"Jack loves to sled," Aaron replied to her story wistfully.

"We're not supposed to talk about the children," she said her eyes crunching in mock anger.

"It's hard not to."

"Totally understand and we'll have to take them sledding. Make an outing of it."

"They'd love that."

"Most definitely."

Their food arrived with a flourish and Ashley looked at her meal in awe. If Aaron had been a weaker man, he may have chuckled at her obvious admiration. She took a reverent bite, closed her eyes, and sighed quietly but ecstatically.

"If I was a jealous man, I'd be knocking that fork out of your hand," he commented as he glanced up from cutting his fish.

"You should be jealous," she smirked. "This is better than sex."

"Ouch," he laughed and she grinned at him.

They finished in relative silence, if you discounted Ashley's moans of pleasure. The bill came and Aaron swiped it up before Ashley could even peak at it. She glared half-heartedly at him and he returned with his best diplomatic smirk. They walked outside and Aaron started heading to the parking garage, but Ashley looped her arm into his and dragged him west down the block.

"Let's go to the monument."

"That's nearly a mile away."

"And I just ate like a pig, please? It's not even seven and I'm wearing boots." She cajoled as she wiggled her foot at him.

"Alright," he conceded as he buttoned his overcoat.

They talked about the sites and the kids as they meandered down Madison Drive towards the Washington Monument. Her arm was coiled through his and she leaned close to him to siphon his body heat. Halfway to the monument it began to snow and Ashley grinned ridiculously. When they got close, she pulled away and spun in front of Aaron, making his dimples appear in full force, and he wrapped his arms around her from behind. When he had encircled her, he kissed her deftly on her ear then her neck and she looked up at him, caressed his cheek, and kissed him. She turned fully, wrapped her arms around his neck, and met his lips more thoroughly.

"I feel like a teenager; adults do not carry on like this in public," he groused as he pulled away from her.

"It's snowing," she said like it was obvious.

"It's a requirement," she added as she pecked him one more time. She turned in his arms to look up at the monument.

"I want to ask you a question," he whispered.

"Alright, ask away," she said letting her head fall against him to glance up.

He turned her around and held her at arms lengths. She looked uncomfortable and questioningly. He fumbled with something in his pocket and her eyes widened further.

"The kids, they've been nagging, I talked to them, and we decided that I should ask you to marry me, so will you marry me?" He pulled out the ring that was so Aaron, it was funny: a traditional, elegant diamond solitaire with a platinum band.

"Yes," she tried and her voice shook slightly. He pulled off her gloves and deposited the ring on her left hand, "It's beautiful, Aaron."

He was not sure how to proceed, so he just kissed her firmly. The next few days were spent informing friends and family of their engagement. Some took it better than others, but for the most part the reception was positive. Ashley was the most worried about Derek and Jerry, while not the most accepting both men were gracious and she was thankful for their responses.

She had dialed Derek's number with apprehension.

"'Ello, baby doll."

"Hey."

"What's up?" He asked and her insides coiled tightly.

"Aaron proposed and I said yes," she rushed as she heard him draw in a shaky breath.

"I'm happy for you," he responded tightly.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course."

"Thanks, Derek," she said sincerely, wishing he knew how much his statement, even if hesitant, meant to her.

She thought maybe it was going to work out for the best that her life had led her to this path for a reason. Until the phone's shrill ring woke her from a dead sleep while Aaron was on a case.

"Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery


	17. Not Sure

**A/N: Don't own _Criminal Minds._ I love feedback. Thanks for reading!**

Chapter 17: Not Sure

"Hello?" Ashley's voice rasped and her heart raced when she heard the shaky breaths through the line.

"Ashley, it's Penelope," was the whispered reply and Ashley jumped out of bed.

"What happened?"

"There was an accident on the case."

"Derek?" She breathed viscerally. Then she quickly added, "And Aaron?"

"The SUV Hotch was driving got broadsided while they were chasing the unsub. Derek was in the passenger seat; he took the brunt of the collision. Hotch is responsive; they think he just has a mild concussion and a broken arm. He's already fighting the staff. Derek has not been responsive and he has a lot of internal bleeding. He's in surgery; they're not sure…. They're just not sure." As Penelope finished, she broke down into torrential sobs.

"Where are they?"

"Hospital of University of Pennsylvania."

"I'm leaving now. I am going to drop the kids at Jessica's."

"Don't drive in your condition, sugar plum."

"I need to get there; I'll be fine."

"I'm going to check up on you."

"Okay."

She packed a bag for herself with plenty of the essentials, then one for each Aaron, Jack, and Sophia. She then woke the children up and explained that she had to go pick up Aaron. She got them comfortable in the vehicle, whipped through McDonalds for coffee, and jumped on the road to Jessica's place. She dropped them off and hurried as she continued on the highway with another cup of coffee.

When she arrived at the hospital, they directed her to the ICU. Aaron was standing in the middle of the waiting area and she rushed toward him.

"How's Derek?" She questioned as his arms encircled her. He looked down at her ruefully.

"I think I'll be alright, thank you," he replied drily. Her head whipped up in horror.

"I'm sorry Aaron. I just… I'm just… I'm just worried."

"I know," he responded squeezing her shoulder. "They just set him up in a room; he was in surgery for four hours. They think they've relieved most of the pressure on his brain and stopped most of the internal bleeding."

Aaron suddenly swayed violently and Ashley wrapped her arms around him and admonished, "I know you're going against doctor's orders to be standing here right now. You need to go rest and be monitored."

"It's my fault."

"O, Aaron stop. Please go rest. "

She followed him to a room where a nurse set him up and encouraged him to rest. Ashley sat next to his bed, but looked distressed.

"Go check on him," Aaron encouraged finally. She looked relieved, kissed his cheek, and moved out of the room.

She arrived at the room and Reid was curled into an armchair. He glanced at her and his eyes darkened. He looked like he was going to speak but drew back into himself. She pulled a chair next to Derek's bed, held his head reverently, and bent her head.

"What are you doing?" Reid finally said; his voice tinted with anger.

"Praying."

"You being here is going to break his heart. There is clear scientific proof that a broken heart is actually painful. The mu-opioid receptor gene…" He trailed off, but continued with a burst, "Do you know, he cares about you and your daughter more than he's cared about anybody in a long time? You just threw him away."

"I didn't throw him away."

"I know he seems like the burly door-kicker who can have sex with a woman and leave the next morning, but you were different for him. You tossed him out of your house and that wrecked him."

"I don't think you should discuss something you don't necessarily understand, Dr. Reid."

"I think you're scared and that's not fair to either Morgan or Hotch."

"I'm sorry you feel that way Dr. Reid, but I care about both of them."

"You're going to have to make a decision," he concluded and curled back into his chair.

BREAK

The team returned to Quantico, but Derek remained in Chicago to make the transition for Sophia easier. There had not been much talking or playing, but a lot of sleeping and crying. Finally, ten days after they rescued her, she looked up at Derek and stated plainly, "That man was so bad to us."

He sat for a minute in astonishment before going into interview mode. He held her hands gently and began asking her questions.

"What did he do?"

"Lots of bad things."

"Like what, sweetheart?"

"When I cried, he would try to hit me, but Liam would try to stop him. Then he would get so angry and he would punch Liam."

"Did he do other things?"

"He would take Liam away and when he came back Liam would cry and he couldn't sit down so he would have to lay on his stomach. One time he wanted me to go with him, even though he said he didn't like girls, but Liam said he wanted to go. That night he came back and there was blood on his legs, and I was so scared. He didn't give us a lot of food or water, but I always tried to make Liam eat. Mommy always said that Liam would forget to eat if she didn't feed him; I didn't want him to forget to eat. Before you came, I couldn't get Liam to eat anymore, because his face and mouth hurt so bad. The day you came, he got mad because Liam wouldn't let him take me away and so he hurt him lots. I was so scared."

"He's going to jail, right?" She asked hesitantly.

"For a long, long time, honey," he assured and she jumped into his lap. He stroked her hair.

"Am I going to jail?" She whispered into his neck.

"Why would you go to jail?"

"Cause I didn't stop him, because I couldn't help Liam," she sobbed into his neck.

"O, sweetheart, none of that was your fault. That man was really evil and it's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong."

"But I could've gone with him."

"He would still have hurt Liam, because he was a bad man."

She bawled; her little body shook with her sobs. He whispered nonsensically to her and gingerly rubbed her back. Ashley came into the room with hot chocolate and cookies. Sophia saw her and threw herself at her.

"'M sorry, Mommy."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, love bug. I love you so much and you are such a good girl; I'm so proud of you for being so brave and strong."

"Not mad at me?"

"Of course not, love, of course not." Tears gathered in Ashley's eyes and she held tightly to her child.

"God is closest to those with broken hearts." ~Jewish Saying


	18. It's Worth It

**A/N: Don't own _Criminal Minds. _Feedback is loved!**

Chapter 18: It's Worth It

"Momma, is Derek okay?" Sophia's voice cracked over the line.

"The doctors think he's getting better, sweetheart."

"He's not going to die like Li, right?"

"No, sweetheart, come on, he's big, strong, FBI-agent Derek Morgan," She said assuring herself as much as her daughter.

"Jack wants to talk to you."

"'Ello."

"Hey, Jackster, how's it going, bud?"

"When are you coming home?" His simple question made Ashley's stomach roil. Home, her place was back with the, no her, children and working, not sitting in a hospital room looking at closed eyes.

"Soon, darling," she responded softly.

"I miss you," he asserted.

"I miss you, too. Wanna talk to your daddy?"

"Ok, bye, love you."

"Love you too," she returned and walked to the waiting room where Aaron was discussing the case for Agent Rossi.

"Jack wants to talk to you," she said, holding the phone out to him with her finger covering the mouthpiece. Aaron shook his head lightly and held up his hand.

"Don't hold up your hand at me, Aaron Hotchner. You were in a car accident; your son is scared. Talk to him and get back to your hospital bed before you pass out…again," she demanded and he looked at her awestruck but grabbed the phone. His voice was soft and congenial as he spoke to his son, but the glare he delivered to Ashley was anything but soft and congenial. She was unfazed by his glower and she winked at him as she walked back to Derek's room.

When she returned to Derek's room, his eyes were still closed and she curled into the chair next to him. Fran, Desirée, and Sarah had arrived that afternoon looking bleary-eyed and terrified. After being filled in by the doctors, Ashley had encouraged the three women to check into the hotel, take a shower, get some lunch, and maybe even get some sleep or at least coffee. His face was bruised and she couldn't help but grimace every time she looked at him. She wanted to touch him, caress his cheek, but she worried about hurting him. She settled for holding his hand and occasionally kissing it gently. She talked to him about Sophia and read from magazines and newspapers, but only when she was sure she wouldn't start crying. She picked up his hand, placed it against her cheek, and kissed his palm.

"Do you love him?" Fran asked softly as she watched the younger woman from the door way.

"I…I…I don't know what to say." Ashley replied hesitantly.

"It's not that difficult: yes or no."

"I…I…I."

"You don't have to tell me, but you do need to think about it. I didn't protect him when he was younger, but I need to protect him now. You seem like a nice girl; you remind me of myself, but you cannot break him. I won't let you."

Ashley nodded, kissed Derek's palm again, and got up to leave.

"Leaving so soon?" Fran questioned incredulously.

"You should have time with him. I will be back."

They caught the unsub and Aaron was ready to return home. Yet, he wasn't sure Ashley was ready or if she would even want to. He knew it was wrong to be jealous of the other agent, but he had been so close to having her. But, he really had never, even remotely, had her, not the way Derek did. He leaned against the closed door of the hotel room; she was asleep. She had gone back to Aaron's hotel room and curled up in the king bed. He shucked his clothes and crawled into the bed next to her. She slid closer, almost magnetically, and he rested his un-casted hand on her hip. He lay flat on his back and listened to her breathe.

When Ashley woke up, her head was pillowed on Aaron's chest; his good arm wrapped around her and his fingers under the hem of her t-shirt. She snuggled closer to his chest, dug her face into his shirt, and inhaled. He smelled earthy, woodsy, and spicy with a hint of sleep sweat that didn't particularly bother her. She needed to touch more of him; she needed to be in this moment to forget that she spent many of her previous hours bent over the bed of a man who she should just leave the hell alone. She slid her hand under Aaron's undershirt and drew lazy patterns on his navel. Her hand glided under his waistband and he moaned awake, blinking dubiously at her. She kissed him gently and slithered down the bed. She nipped at his thigh and then soothed with gentle kisses. She fumbled through her bag, moved over him, and engulfed him. He touched her reverently and arched off the bed. He pulled her to him, kissed her languidly, and followed her sensual movements. His arm hindered his usual maneuvers, so he allowed her the control and she relished in it setting her intoxicatingly slow rhythm. He groaned, she gasped, she nestled next to him and wrapped her arm tightly around his waist, and he kissed the top of her head as he felt tears soak through his thin undershirt.

After a while of just lying there, she kissed his cheek, moved towards the bathroom, and started a shower. He lay on his back and steeled himself for the conversation that he knew he had to have with her. He ran his good hand through his hair thankful that he broke his right hand rather than his left, though he won't be able to shoot for quite some time, not that The Bureau is going to let him back in the field soon anyways. The shower had stopped and he could hear Ashley fumbling around in the bathroom. A whispered curse came through the door and he smiled. She opened the door and smiled at him; she ran to her suitcase to grab her toothbrush. As she brushed her teeth, he leaned against the doorframe and she glanced at him questioningly.

"We can't get married," he said finally and frankly. Her eyes snapped to him and she stared agape, before leaning over the sink to spit her toothpaste into the sink and wipe the excess off.

"What are you talking about?"

"We can't get married," a hint of sadness littered his tone.

"Of course, we can."

"Why aren't you wearing your ring?" He asked and she looked down at her finger abashedly.

"I forgot to put it on."

"Because you were worried about Derek."

"Because I was worried about both of you."

"You don't want to marry me."

"Aaron, if I didn't want to marry you, I would've said no when you asked."

"You think you want to marry me, but you don't."

"Don't tell me what I want."

"The looks you give him; they're the looks of real, true love. I won't allow you to throw that away. I thought I could; I thought I could let you walk away from him because it's what you wanted. I can't, though, I used to look at Haley that way and I can't allow you to give that up."

"Then you know that it can only end in heartbreak."

"It doesn't matter; it's worth it."

"_Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up." - Neil Gaiman _

**A/N: Please review!**


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